my afternoon...

I love my children. I worry quite often about something happening to one of them, losing one of them. What would I do? Today we had a baby shower at the church for my darling friend Jillian. As we were leaving, I noticed Molly wasn't with the other kids. I had seen her not a minute before. We had gone to the bathroom, come back to the others, I handed her the orange juice to carry, and we headed out to the car. I wasn't terribly concerned at first. She likes to play hide and seek. Surely she was somewhere in the empty church and I would hear her laughing.

After about 10 minutes, I found my heart wanting to panic and my brain not quite sure what to think. My sweet, sweet friends Jillian and Patricia (who I will be eternally grateful for after today) stayed with me. They looked at the church, checking every room, while I walked around outside, calling frantically for her. Every time I would turn a corner, expecting to see her, I would panic more when I didn't. I felt like I was in a haze. Things seemed more silent, slower, without her there. I had friends at home making calls, coming back to the church to help, petitioning the Lord. I love my friends. I love these people who love my children like I do, who help to relieve my hurt and worry.

I went to the school which is just across the street in the hopes that she had gone out and thought she would try to find her brother and sisters. By the time I got into the office and was speaking with the principal, I was completely panicked. Coherent enough to describe her and her outfit, her hair, her shoes, but terrified and not hiding it very well. The principal immediately started looking while the secretary made an announcemant over the loud-speaker. I think hearing that is what sent me in a tailspin. I was helpless. Had she wandered off trying to find her way home? Had someone found her and taken her? Had she been hurt? I called sweet Dave. I needed to hear his voice. I needed him there. He left work immediately. He got to us in record time.

As soon as I got back to the church, Patricia recommended 2 things...a prayer and calling 911. Call 911? Was this even really happening? A cop friend from the ward called me shortly thereafter, telling me help was on the way, asking me for details. Who had seen her last and where? What was she wearing? All while I'm wondering...How could this be real? Where was Molly? Several men from the ward had shown up for one reason or another, and other random people. Everyone was looking. Driving up and down the street, calling her name through the church.

As I was talking with the police on the phone, I heard someone say, "They found her". 12:57pm. I was elated. I ran in to make sure it was really Molly. It was. Patricia was hugging her, holding her tight, as emotional as I was. Molly on the other hand was not. She was happy. She had been playing hide and seek for the last 30 minutes. I was hysterical. So happy to see her and touch her, but also dealing with the emotions of this being a game to her. 30 minutes. Hiding. Completely silent. In the Relief Society room, under some chairs where ALL of us had already looked...several times. I was overcome with emotion. Actually, I'm still trying to process all of this. I love my friends and my ward family. They dropped whatever they were doing to help me and comfort me. I'm not quite sure how to approach this with Molly. I don't want her to think she was naughty, but I want her to know I was scared. I put her down for her nap, then heard her talking. I peeked inside to find her "reading" a birthday card to her baby, saying...don't EVER run away. :) She knows I was worried. She knows I was sad. I've gotten several special, little, soft kisses on the cheek. I love her and I am so glad she is mine.

fairies...

My favorite one of all...made by ME! :)

Fairies made by Emily.

Lizzy's creations.

Alex decided to make warriors instead of fairies. I totally get it. :)

One party down...one more to go. This year the girls wanted a fairy party. Our cute friend Cassidy (the tall one in the group picture) made some out of clothespins, we loved them, so we asked her if we could copy, and she could come help us do it. :) She kindly obliged. My kids get a "friend" party every other year. This year, they all get one. Aaagh. I have to say though, I love planning themed parties. I'll spend weeks planning the invitation, decorations, food, party favors, games...and they all have to go together. One of my favorite places to look is HERE. You name a party theme...they've got it. I love to go through people's ideas, then copy and paste what I like into my own document. Then, I study it. Trying to decide what will be the cutest, what the kids will love the most. We've had some great ones in the past...a teddy bear party (NOT the easiest thing in the world), army party, Harry Potter party (easily the coolest...EVER).

This one was fun. I put a lot of thought into games and food and such, but here's the thing...all they wanted to do was make fairies. We had about 15 minutes total for games, gifts, food. The rest of the time they spent gathered around the table...creating. I loved it. They loved it.

On another note...my sister-in-law and I were talking today about traditions. Namely birthday traditions. What sort of traditions do you have now with your families, or did you have growing up? I'd love to hear!

for Grandma...

Grandma...this is you. Grandma Bird, Temple or Schofield, take your pick. Drawn by the fabulous 3 year old artiste. I'm kind of surprised Molly came up with this. I'm thinking my other 3 didn't until about kindergarten. She is filling my days with laughter and just a teeny bit of frustration. She was reciting a "talk" in the living room the other day, after watching her sisters and brother do it for FHE many times and not wanting to miss out on the positive feedback. She pointed to a picture on our table and said..."then, maybe we can go get HIM".

Me: Who is that, Molly?

M: Present Hinckley. I loves him. Maybe we can go get him.

Me: Where is he?

M: He's in the sky.

Me: How can we get him?

M: Wif a ladduh. A really big one.

My Mom and Dad love to tell me how as a kid, I had the whole tithing thing figured out. I KNEW how the money got to Heavenly Father. It went to heaven in the pockets of dead people. I was sure of it. I bet Present (President) Hinckley and all the tithing carriers are getting a real chuckle right now. :)

his latest...

This is what Alex has been working on with his sweet art teacher for months. This is what he brought out to the car, carefully wrapped in newspaper. This is what he will now hang proudly on his bedroom wall. I am proud as punch. He is radiating. I love him so much. I believe he has a gift. His big thing right now...the thing he asks me to do every single day...is play on the computer. On Microsoft Word. He is consumed with creating stories, illustrations, using cool fonts. I'm not sure how to nurture this talent for him...the computer stuff. Are there classes for 9 year olds? Graphic designer in the making. I just know it.

Molly's week...and it's just the beginning

First, let me share a prayer she gave Monday night, while we all tried so hard not to laugh. I'll try to say it in her language :) :

Hevly Father...Fankly foy this nice byooful day. Fankly foy....(hmmm...thinking)...all of our sins (here is where we start to laugh). Help us don't jump down the stairs. Help us don't laugh in the prayer (more suppressed laughter). Name uh Juh Frice, amen.

Oh man, I wish I had recorded it or something. She is so sweet. She hears the prayers of her brother and sisters, then she tries to mimic them. They get a little jumbled sometimes...like when she mixed blessing her cousin David in Iraq and Grandma, and asked that Grandma Bird would get to go to the war. So, so cute.

Second...the little squirt is potty trained. I'm not even sure how it happened, but she has gone 3 days with no diaper. NO diaper, not even at naptime or through the night. No accidents. I am thrilled. As you can see, from the fact that she is 3 years old, I am never in any hurry to train them. They train themselves. I'm convinved of that. And when they do, they don't need pull-ups or diapers at night until they're 5. I pulled out all the old panties from Emily and Lizzy. That may seem gross to you, oh well. She loves them. Scooby Doo, Dora, Barbie, Pooh Bear. All of them in Macey's grocery bags and slung over her shoulder like a pocketbook (who really says pocketbook anymore? My mom, and it makes me laugh). Yay Molly.

Lastly, after seeing her baby sister yesterday, she spent a lot of time crying and telling me she was cold. I figured she was tired because she had been jipped a nap. She fell asleep in the middle of the living room. Something wasn't right. I put her in her bed, got her up for dinner, she was off. She was lethargic (something Molly is NEVER), flushed, whining. Dave had YM at 6 and wouldn't be home until 10. At 6:05, she erupted and cried. This poor little girl has never thrown up. Aside from spit-up as a baby. (Emily and Alex are my pukers...Lizzy only has 2-3 times, and Molly never until now) Here's what Molly had to eat yesterday, which was now all over her bed and her carpet...spaghetti with RED sauce, pomegranate 7-up, and twizzlers. HELP. I rushed her to the tub...oh yeah, we have no hot water in the tub. I panicked a bit, then used a cup to transfer hot water from the sink to the tub. She was shivering and I was stressed and sad. I asked Alex to keep an eye on her while I ran downstairs to start the laundry and hopefully eliminate the stains before they set. Came back up, she had peed in the tub (OK...so maybe she has had ONE accident). I am 409ing the sink when my cute friend Kristin shows up. I ask her what I should do, bath her in the pee water, or try to fill it with sink water again? I empty the tub, and turn on the sink. There is zilcho water pressure because the washer is running. With a little trickle like that, it will take me 6 minutes just to fill the cup. I'm overwhelmed. Kristin and I start to laugh and I feel so much better. :) I am so grateful for sweet friends and laughter. Molly sits like a wadded up ball in the bathroom sink for a few minutes while I try to scrub her carpet, then she gets a barely lukewarm bath, gets in warm jammies and we cuddle...all before American Idol. She had another bout with the pukes before bed. In a bag this time. She actually fell asleep on the couch gripping that bag under her chin. Sad, sad baby. She still isn't feeling well today. Gosh I love her. Gosh I hate when they are sick.

Here's to our week getting better!

now we know :)

Girl number 4 is on the way! I couldn't be happier...although Alex may have to adjust. :) Everything looks healthy and good, and I am happy.

the 4th...

My new friend Vanessa has tagged me. :) It's the photo tag...the 4th folder, 4th image. Wowee...this is an old one. This is Alex as some sort of animal in our family nativity. I think it is when he was a year and 1/2, so the year 2000, just before the twins were born.

A couple thoughts come to mind when I look at his. The first is...holy crap he was cute. Such a beautiful little boy. He still is. Second...what kind of garbage camera were we using, and how were we OK with it? Oh how things have changed. Third...how fun it would be to have another baby boy. I find out in 5 hours what our newest little one will be. I'm anxious. I will be so happy with either sex...just please, please, please let it be healthy. I love these little people and feel it is such a blessing to raise them. Can't wait. :)

I will go ahead and tag...ALL of you. It's pretty funny to go look through old pictures. Plus, I love looking at all your random stuff. 4th folder, 4th image...GO!

trust me...you want one

Molly kisses...A LOT. The funny thing is, that as intense as this little girl is, her kisses are so gentle and tender. I want to be able to remember them...for those days when they won't be free anymore. I don't really know how to capture the experience other than a picture and some details. It's the sweetest little kiss you will ever receive...EVER. So soft, no pucker, a tiny little sound. They are warm and squishy, but not wet. Sometimes they are accompanied by a mmmmwa, but usually not. They make me happy. Happy that she loves, happy that she is mine, hopeful that she will always be a kind, little person.

frosty morning...

First thing I hear this morning is Molly: Mommy it's snowing outside! Lots and lots! There's spider strings everywhere! Isn't it wonderful? (I didn't even know she knew the word)

No snow, just lots and lots of fog and frost. Yesterday morning Lizzy told me the back deck looked hairy. :)

girl scout cookies!

Emily and Lizzy are Brownies this year. Guess what that means? Cookies! They are on sale starting today, and only for 2 weeks. If anyone is interested...and I KNOW you are...let us know. I think we will be going around the neighborhood in the next few days, but call us if you want some, so we don't miss you. :) Mmmmmmm...good!

who's got the button?

I have one...can you believe it? Seriously though, I would love you forever if you would add one to your blog too...actually I'll still love you even if you don't. Here's how:

Sign in to your blog, Click on Customize, Layout, Add a Gadget, HTML/JavaScript, then copy and paste this ...

<a href="http://www.amyschofieldphotography.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"><img alt="Photobucket" src="http://i649.photobucket.com/albums/uu216/amyschofield/11.jpg" border="0" /></a>

Save ... VOILA!

cumorah...

A major trip down memory lane last night. I have a storage box full of pictures. Random pictures. I was going through it the other day looking for some pictures for my sister-in-law, and was reminded what a disaster it was. I couldn't find anything! There were pictures from when I was a kid, and college through the first year of marriage. They were out of envelopes, mixed up and it made me crazy. The rest of my photos are easy to find, but these were a joke. Last night I organized. It felt great.

I stumbled across these beauties. I wish I could express just how happy they made me. These are from The Hill Cumorah Pageant the last year that we went (1994). I was in it from 1989-1994. 4 times with my family, twice by myself. Some of the most amazing experiences of my life happened here. It's a hugely important place. The place where Joseph Smith received the plates. I received many confirmations here that helped me to form my testimony. I grew to love my family more, to appreciate my parents more, to understand the church more.

This last year, we got some great parts. Generally we were all part of mob scenes (all the while chanting the mantra..."proud to be crowd") until now. Mom was still proud :), I can't quite figure out what Dad was, Rachel was a battle banner carrier (after telling the casting directors she was a weight-lifter), Laura was a slave dancer for King Noah, and Tracy and I were harvest dancers. We felt pretty cool and worked ourselves to the bone! We teased Rachel relentlessly that she looked like a Flintstone...what do you think? :)

Some day I will have to put more memories of this place down on paper. I love it. I love the feelings that I have there. But today, I'm just going to giggle at these fantastic pictures!

kitty treats...

Molly walked in to the bathroom yesterday with a blue nose. She told me she wanted to be a kitty. She needed those "stripe fings" on her cheeks. It was a blue dry-erase marker. Initially I panicked, she pleaded, I caved. Once again...a big step for me. Marker...on her face. Of course I checked it first to make sure it would come off easily. :)

She quickly went from this sweet little thing...

TO THIS!

She really was making me laugh yesterday. She is a little girl...not a baby. A little girl with a personality (a funny one), opinions, a spicy attitude. I asked her what she wanted for lunch. She wanted me to make her yummy, big, cimanin wolls. I am not the cinnamon roll making kind of gal. I could be, I've just never tried them. SO, we made these...twice. Try them...they are pretty darn good!

Cream Cheese Roll-ups:

4 sliced white bread, crusts removed
flavored cream cheese (I used plain)
4 T butter, melted
cinnamon sugar

Preheat oven to 350. Roll bread flat with a rolling pin. Spread with cream cheese. Roll up as tightly as possible. Cut each roll into 3-4 pieces. Dip each piece into butter, then the cinnamon sugar mixture. Bake on cookie sheet until golden brown, 5-6 minutes.

* Molly ate 4, I ate 15. :(

my sweets...

My little, letter-writing sweets. If letters like these don't validate you, then I don't know what will. Thanks for all your kind, kind thoughts yesterday. Just one of those days. Not necessarily bad, just worried. Today, I'm not so much. I have been waking up the past few mornings to this letter and creatures on my nightstand. That is my Lizzy for you. I may have been stressed or sad the other day when she made these, maybe not. She does kind little things like this daily. It's who she is. She LOVES giving things. According to "The 5 Love Languages", that means she loves getting things too. She's been asking me for weeks to write a letter to her in her love journal. HOW do I keep forgetting that?

Our "day after your birthday" Baskin Robbins visit. Mmmm...love them so much.

Emily is a writer too. Treasures everywhere. Letters that ALWAYS end with a question, prompting a letter in return. I really don't know what to do with all of these. Maybe some of you would say toss them. It makes me too anxious to think of throwing them out...any of them. After I've stared at them for a few days, they'll make their way up to my bulging storage box. :)

pessimism...

I don't really know why I posted a picture here...I just felt like it. I'm feeling a bit of pessimism today. Maybe that isn't the right word. The feeling that things are too good to be true. Waiting for the other shoe to fall. I've struggled with emotions like these my whole life. I can remember as a 10th grader, I auditioned for the chamber-madrigal choir at my school. It was the best we had. 4 openings for each voice part. I knew I had a chance. I clearly remember going to the music room to check the list that Mr Dean had posted. I was ON THERE! I was over the moon...for a while. Then I started to think about things too much. I tend to do that. I remember crying and telling my mom they must have printed the names wrong. It wasn't right. It was too good to be true.

I have that same feeling a lot now that I am a mother. I get pregnant...too good to be true. My baby is born healthy and beautiful...too good to be true. We are all happy together, my kids are safe...too good to be true. At the zoo, if someone is going to fall into the Hippo tank, it will be MY child. If a plane is going to crash, it will be ours (you're not the only one Tara :)). If someone were to attack a school, it would be where my children attend. I think what I can actually attribute this to is faith...or lack of it. Faith and fear cannot co-exist, they just can't. I need to trust the Lord more. Trust that He knows my wants and needs, but also what is best for me.

I went to the doctor today for a check-up. I was spotting a bit on Saturday. I haven't really felt the baby move yet. I've had migraines 3 days in a row. I was sure that I would lose the baby. I know it doesn't sound rational, but it is how I felt. I started wondering how I would get on with my life...my life with 4 beautiful, healthy children. I needed the doctor to tell me everything was alright...and he did. Somehow it isn't enough for me. I have my ultrasound next week, and instead of being excited, I am anxious. I worry they will tell me something is off. Something is wrong. It's just too good to be true.

Here is a thought for me and for you:
Faith is total trust in God. Faith is believing that although we do not understand all things, He does. Faith is knowing that although our power is limited, His is not. Faith in Jesus Christ consists of total reliance on Him.
- Dennis E. Simmons

meet arty...

Arty is a true gem. He and my niece Valerie got married a few months ago. Sadly, I wasn't able to go. I heard it was amazing though. My sister Lisa and her husband Tony love him like a son.

Arty had been with Val for years, through some of Valerie's most trying times in her life. He loved her and suppported her. He was patient with her. She found a true rock.

Arty and Val adore their digs...like children, I hear. :) This is Arty with Leo, and the Santa picture is Cadence. Arty was raised by his grandparents. He is so good and kind to them. He will do whatever they ask of him. He and Valerie help his grandparents run their farm. Arty works hard all day, every day, bailing hay, tending to the cows, getting daily measurements. I'm a little jealous of the whole farm thing. Hard work, manual labor.

Arty loves to learn. If he wants to learn how to do something...he'll get a book and learn it. He wanted to build a shed, bought a book to learn how, and built one. I have no doubt that he will treasure and provide for my niece. No doubt.

He's musical too. He even plays the guitar in a band. So cool. He's hilarious. People want to be around him and his happy, silly personality. I can't wait to get to know him better through the years. We're family now! Happy Birthday to you Arty!

eight years...

Eight years ago, my life changed forever. My babies were born. I didn't even know I had the capacity to love this much. I worried so much for Alex. That he would notice a change in how much I loved him. The beautiful thing is...it didn't have to change at all. The Lord just made my heart bigger.

My thoughts for this entry were to share my favorite photos of the girls through the years. I have only been taking digital pictures for 2 years, so sorting through old photos quickly became overwhelming. REALLY overwhelming. That's not what this is supposed to be. It's supposed to be a tribute to my beautiful, little 8 year old daughters. SO, the pictures are random, not organized, not even the best I have, but this is them. These show their personalities. These show how beautiful they are.

Twins really weren't that tough. I would do them again in a second. They are best pals. They always have been. When they were 4 months old, we took them to a huge family party. They were being passed all over the place. My normally happy baby girls were overstimulated. They were tired. They were cranky. As soon as we got home, we put them on a blanket together in the middle of the living room. Their crying stopped, they rolled to face eachother, and they smiled. They were content. They made eachother happy. They are still that way today. They are best friends. They'll tell you that too. I've struggled with whether or not I should have them in different classes at school. I don't want to. I want them together, supporting eachother.

These girls are so unique. Very individual. Their own little person. Elizabeth is gentle and quiet. She has been since she was tiny. She is loving and kind. Emily is a firecracker. She is loud, funny, happy. They both bring so much joy to my life. I think they do the same for everyone they meet. I have felt so blessed to have had twins. I think to some, it seems quite overwhelming. I guess at times, it was. But I never once thought...I can't do this...why me? They are a gift. Perfect, blond, little gifts.