times tables...

Lizzy and Emily are working on their times tables in 3rd grade. Every day, their teacher, Mrs. T. gives them a sheet with 100 problems on it. It includes the 0's through the 9's, all mixed up...or "all the facts" as they say. At the beginning of the year, Mrs. T. challenges them to beat her on all the facts. Her best time is 1:26. I did 1:30 the other day and felt like I was flying. I couldn't believe I hadn't beat her. I was writing the answer to one while solving the next one in my head. Not fast enough. If the kids are able to beat her, she gives them a fresh crisp 5 dollar bill. 5 dollars! The girls have been obsessed. They bring home blank times table sheets every day. They practice all the time. It's all the talk around here. Elizabeth especially. She wants to beat her teacher. So, so badly. Her best time to date is 2:00. Emily is a little faster. She is fast at everything...school, moving, talking. She's just fast. She doesn't care quite as much as Lizzy though.

Yesterday, when I picked them up from school, Lizzy immediately told me to guess who had beat Mrs. T. I thought of Emily right away. I kept looking in my rearview mirror at her face, just sure it was her, but she kept denying it. I was wrong...it was LIZZY! She was beaming. And giggling. And my eyes were watering. She showed me the money. None of us could believe it. She did it in 1:13. Faster than me! We went through the whole scene, time and time again...until she went to bed. How she was shaking the whole time she was writing. How Mrs. T.'s eyes bugged out when Lizzy raised her hand to show she was finished. How Lizzy couldn't believe it when she heard the time. How her heart was "beeping so fast" when she went to the front of the room to get her 5. Her hands were shaking. She was teary she was so excited. I am so VERY proud of her. So happy that it was Lizzy who did it first...before Alex OR Emily. It was Lizzy. She needs to finish 1st once in awhile. So she knows how great she is. So she knows that practice pays off. So she can feel that adrenaline rush. So she can be proud.

WAY TO GO LIZZY!

whew...

I think everyone, even Boston Rob, is going to be pretty hard pressed to beat this guy. I just don't see it happeneing. Survivor was SO good this week. SO DARN good. I am clammy all through tribal council wondering how Russell will dig himself out...then he does it. Every single time. Love ya Rob, but seriously? You don't hold a candle to this guy. You'll never outsmart him. Glad this was so good, because Idol is not doing it for me. At all.

my mind...

...is miles away today. All the way in Delaware.

Molly and I saw a seagull in the parking lot at Robert's

and my mind left. My heart too. I can't wait to be there...

soaking in the sounds and smells.

pete...

Guess what I got to play today.

Don't eat Pete.

With peach baby puffs and milk chocolate chips...

and 30 Pete's.

a first for everything...

If you're a friend from the ward, you've surely already read Melissa's post about our 5k. I need to share my thoughts about it too. We did it! I am really proud of the two of us. I'm proud of myself. I accomplished something I had worked for, and that feels incredibly satisfying. We did it in 31:38 too, which is (was) a record for me...until I did it in 30:50 yesterday on the treadmill. Woohoo!

Before I got pregnant with Margaret, I was running/jogging 3 miles a day. I felt great about it. I felt healthy...ALMOST athletic again. I stopped when I got pregnant. Nausea and fear of miscarriage were my excuses. I did NOTHING for the next year and 1/2...with the exception of walking the kids to school for 2 months in the fall. I gained weight over the holidays, knowing that as soon as the new year rolled around, I was going to change my life. I would excercise and I would lose weight. I was seriously determined. Dave has lost 40 pounds on Nutri System, as well as several dear friends. I started with that. Not the meals, just following their weekend regimen. Coupled with going to the rec center 6 days a week, it was working!

At first, I was doing the treadmill for 30 minutes. I would walk for 5 minutes, then run for 5. Walk. Run. I felt so great about it. I really did. It was hard, but rewarding. Now, 2 months later, I can run for an hour. In part because of Melissa. I love her. She is determined. She looks beautiful. And she pushes me. I desperately want to keep up with her. She makes me feel like I can do it. The first time we ran 5 miles together (with a few tiny pit stops) I was floored. I couldn't believe I had done it. I wanted to do it again. BUT...I hurt my knee. I was so sad. It hurt really bad. I just couldn't run on it. Ends up it was bursitis. I kept on doing the elliptical machine so I could stay in the groove. 2 weeks and some arthritis gel later, the pain was totally gone. I was so happy. Here's the deal. I wasn't hating running...and that was huge for me. I wasn't loving it, but I wasn't hating it, so I HAD to keep going. I'm still not loving it. Not like melissa, but I'm getting there. I love seeing improvement in myself. I call Dave the second I get to the car to tell him what I've accomplished.

Here we are just minutes after the race. We look so happy. I WAS so happy. I felt euphoric for hours...until the exhaustion set in. :) I got really tired at about 2.5 miles. I'm not going to lie. I wanted to tell Melissa I had to stop for a minute. I knew I'd hate myself though, so I pressed on...pretty slowly. I'm thinking that by our next race, I won't have to push on. I'll just run. Faster than before. Beating my record every time. Even if only by a few seconds. Wish me luck!

my dear alex...

Happy birthday sweet boy. How are you 11 already? I can still remember my tiny, soft baby boy like it was yesterday. Our first baby. We were completely in love with you. Smitten. We still are. We are so blessed that you are ours. Here are eleven things I love most about you:

1. Your laugh. You are so funny. When you are really laughing, like belly-laugh laughing, it makes me happy. It makes others happy too. It is contagious. You can't control yourself!

2. Your passion. If you love something, you REALLY love it. You obsess about it. Like Age of Empires, Harry Potter, knights, indians, Percy Jackson, your favorite scripture stories. You will draw them, talk about them, write stories about them, dream about them.

3. You still love me to scratch your back. Just last night you asked me to. You aren't grossed out by your mom yet. Maybe you never will be.

4. You are a friend to so many. You don't even realize that there are "cool" and "not-so-cool" people yet. If you like someone, and they make you happy, they are your friend. It doesn't matter what they wear, what they play at recess, how smart they are.

5. You are an artist. In so many ways. Not just your drawing...but singing, writing, looking at the world. I remember as a tiny little boy, you were always making car sounds, spaceship sounds, trains, explosions, animals. I think that is art. You will be famous someday.

6. You stand up for what is right. It brings me so much joy when you tell me of experiences at school where you have stood up for someone who was too afraid to stand up for themselves. Poeple like you and they watch you. They will see the choices you make and want to follow. You are a leader. Lead your friends the right way.

7. You are very sensitive. If you are sad, you don't hide it. The same with angry, bored, afraid, worried. This sensitivity will help you comfort others in your life. It will help you love deeper and stronger.

8. You work hard. You don't give up. I still remember you trying to learn how to dive. It was so difficult. It wouldn't work out quite right, but you would hop right out of the pool and try again. I think that is why you are such a great artist. If something doesn't look exactly right, you don't set down your pencil and quit. You erase and start again.

9. You are a good example to your 4 little sisters. They love you, Alex. They watch you all the time. Always remember that.

10. I love your face. Your tiny, little nose. Your thick, fluffy hair. Your glasses. Your little ears. Your soft skin.

11. You are cool.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANDSOME!

adore...

They still adore this baby.

All the time.

Every day.

Alex does too...but only for a few minutes. :)

my apprentices...

Yesterday was a big, fat loser mom of the year day for me. An anxiety filled doozy. It started off great with Dave saying he was taking the day off. Woohoo! That means I got to go to the rec. center with no kids in tow. It went downhill pretty fast though. Dave and I went to Old Navy with the babies in search of Easter/Tommy's wedding dresses. We found the perfect ones and I was happy. But it was expensive, and I stressed. I was already slightly anxious from a run-in at the School District Office. Noone could help me, and I was mad. Snotty and mad. That + our receipt got me worked up. Took the girls to our Mom and Me playgroup which helped calm me. I love my friends. I really, REALLY love them. I was excited to come home, see Dave and find out what else was on the agenda. He'd gone to work. They needed him, but I was so bummed. He didn't even get home until 6. Until I heard the garage door open and breathed a sigh of relief, here is what I had on my plate...

Molly was hungry, didn't want a nap.

Margaret was hungry and NEEDED a nap.

The kids walked in the door from school. A whirlwind is the closeset way to describe those first few moments when they get home. They all need my attention, want to tell me about their day. Mom, mom, MOM! I love to see them, but I get overwhelmed. There needs to be 2 of me in those moments.

Kids needed help with homework...all at once.

Got Alex to scouts. Picked up Alex from scouts.

Consoled Alex and Lizzy when she accidentally broke his brand new catapult he had just made at scouts.

Took pictures of my girls in their new dresses (which they wore until bedtime by the way)...not so great pictures, taken in my basement. You can rest assured though, that these little pretties will make their way to the beach for a photoshoot. :)

Cleaned Margaret's messy diaper.

Undressed Molly and got her in the tub for a much needed bath.

Asked Lizzy to feed a frustrated Margaret. Margaret grabbed the spoon from Molly's yogurt, covering the floor and her freshly changed outfit in Apple Turnover Yoplait.

Molly waits in the tub while Margaret cries and I clean.

Emily steps in and asks if I want her to bathe Molly. YES. Oh Emily, thank you so much.

Lizzy changes Margaret into some fresh clothes and finishes her dinner, while I try to clean the mess, but can't even see the sink through all the dirty dishes, so I proceed to throw them...all over the kitchen. I yelled. I kept telling Alex I wasn't mad at him, I was just mad. He thought his broken catapult had done me in, and kept apologizing.

I finally calmed myself, and thanked my sweet, sweet 9 year olds for taking over. They took the wheel. Did it all. How was I blessed with such angel girls? I could NOT have made it through my brink of a nervous breakdown day without them. I really couldn't. They eased my burdens.

told you so!

CASE IN POINT: Guess what was in the middle of our kitchen floor last night. A squished up, dead, shriveled worm. I told you they could make their way around in people's treads.

molly's lesson...

Molly gave our Family Home Evening lesson last night. I stopped her 5 seconds into it because it was so darn cute and I couldn't let her proceed without video taping it. I didn't want to miss a second. She stood very still at the front of the room, Lizzy whispering in her ear, only wiggling her toes. She was excited. Her smile was huge. Earlier in the day, Lizzy (who was home sick form school) scribed as Molly told her just what she wanted to say. Lizzy drew 2 of the pictures, and Molly drew the others. On the bottom left is Jesus on the cross with a man putting a crown of thorns on his head. She draws Jesus on the cross A LOT. In fact, she drew him on Dave's birthday poster. She loves Jesus. On the bottom right is Daniel in the lion's den. You can tell she really pays attention in FHE and primary. She absorbs everything we say.

The last few lines of her lesson may be my favorite. I have been trying to teach her the importance of keeping the bathroom door closed now that Margaret is crawling. I explained that babies are heavier on the top half of their bodies, and that if she pulled herself to standing by the toilet, she could topple in and could drown. Molly is now obsessed with the toilet, drowning, Margaret falling in. Maybe I should filter more when I explain things to her, maybe not. :)

when will I learn?

Don't you just hate it when your husband runs out to grab 2 things from Walmart, you know it should only take him 40-45 minutes, so you start planning the rest of your day? It's been an hour and 1/2...no sign of him. Your blood starts to boil, you wonder how you will accomplish everything you wanted to today, while he is out galavanting all over town. You lay into him when he gets back. And I mean...you REALLY let him have it. Then after the dust has settled, he tells you there is a surprise in the fridge. He wasn't galvanting...he went to Chocolate to buy you cupcakes.

my discovery...

So, Dave and i went to the movies last night. We saw 2012 which I wouldn't highly recommend. Too much action, too much suffering, too much dying. It got old after an hour or so. We were both anxious for it to end. We had an interesting conversation on the way home though. And I discovered something. I discovered my greatest fear. I thought I knew what it was. Losing a child. Possibly due to illness, accident, falling in the hippo exhibit at the zoo. I know. Really wierd. Not the losing a child part, but the hippo part. After a somewhat lame movie, I realized that that isn't really my greatest fear.

My biggest fear is my kids experiencing fear. Alone. Being afraid all alone. I watched all the destruction and catastrophe and kept imagining me, right in the middle of that scene, with Dave and my kids. You can see why the movie got a little exhausting. Buildings collapsing, tsunami type waves, earthquakes. I could handle all of that on my own. I would be afraid, but I could cope. I really think I could. But my children. My sweet children. Maybe that is why in the movies, parents always say, "Save my children first"...so the children do not have to experience that fear. What if WE were taken out to sea and somehow, heaven forbid, we got separated. I wondered if I would tie us all together. If one of us went, we would all go. I kept picturing one of my kids alone. Alone and scared. What would their face look like? How would they feel? Would they panic?

Then my mind turned to people like the Smart's who lost a daughter for 9 months to a complete maniac. A man who hurt her in so many ways. I remember reading the Smart's book and Lois talking about some of the things that went through her head while Elizabeth was gone. Was she afraid? Was she cold? Was she hungry? Those are the kind of thoughts that would haunt me forever. Only with divine help could I let images like that go. I know that the Lord would be there to comfort them, but would they be too afraid to feel His peace? Last week, a 17 year old girl from CA went missing during an after school jog. 4 days later, they found her sexually assaulted body in a shallow grave. I somehow let my mind imagine HER face, HER fear, yet she has no ties to me. I cannot fathom her mother's pain. The pain I would feel if it were one of mine.

I know, this is a lot of rambling, with not much of a point. Why write about something that terrifies me to the point of a racing heart and sweaty palms? I guess it makes me treasure my children more. Treasure THEM and treasure my time with them. It also reminds me of the bigger picture. The Lord is running the show. He alone knows how to calm a troubled heart. How to bring peace to an anxious mother. How to comfort a grieving parent. He knows because he felt it. I'm just sure he did.

dave's big day!

40 things I love about my Dave, on his 40th birthday:

1. He whistles...all the time. I love it. It sets a happy mood in our house.

2. He cooks like you wouldn't believe. Mmm hmm...THAT good.

3. He gets up in the middle of the night with the kids.

4. He does an amazing job with our yard.

5. He loves flowers and he's not embarrassed about it.

6. He sings beautifully. I like the rare Sunday when I get to sit next to him and hear.

7. He knows the answer to everything. A memory like a steel trap. It took me a few years to realize he was actually smarter than me.

8. You should see what he can create with some sand and water at the beach.

9. I LOVE that he loves my family just as much as his own.

10. He doesn't raise his voice at me. Ever.

11. He always lets me hold the remote...and I mean always.

12. He is selfless. Truly selfless.

13. He let me name Margaret Margaret. Actually, he let me name all the kids.

14. He never lets his fingernails get too long.

15. Never a day without a shower.

16. His laugh.

17. His support of my need for escape at the end of a long day.

18. He tells me I'm beautiful...even more beautiful than celebrities who are more beautiful than me.

19. He can fix anything. I'm not kidding.

20. He'll bring me treats when I'm sitting like a bump on the couch.

21. He won't let us see a rated R movie, despite my pleading once in awhile.

22. He calms me when I am anxious.

23. He'll rub my feet if I ask him.

24. He laughs anytime I call him at work to tell him something funny from my day.

25. He'll come home from work to rescue me if I'm struggling with motherhood.

26. He gives the kids horseback rides.

27. He is handsome.

28. He will watch Dancing With the Stars with me. And SYTYCD. And The Bachelor. And Ellen.

29. He cooks dinner around here 99 1/2 percent of the time.

30. He is gentle.

31. He is kind.

32. He is a great artist.

33. He let's me buy $2.75 cupcakes and doesn't get mad at me.

34. He shovels the driveway before the snow even settles.

35. He always gives people the benefit of the doubt.

36. He tells me my piano playing is pretty, even when it isn't.

37. He loves our children.

38. He loves me.

39. He loves the Lord.

40. He's mine.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE! I love you.

take a look...:)

When I tell you there is an age gap in our family, I'm not kidding. I'm the tallest of the little ones in yellow. This is my sister Caroline's wedding. Can you imagine being in your early to late teens and your mother is still having babies? Even more than that though, can you imagine being the mother? This was before any of my sweet grandparents passed away. They are all gone now. Grandmother (my dad's mom) is hanging on his elbow on the left, and Pop (dad's dad) is partially hidden behind Sally. Grandy (my mom's mom) is with Joe on the right, and Grampy (mom's dad) is tucked behind Grandmother on the left. We're a mess in this picture. Man, I love it though. I love my beautiful family. My forever family.

Here we are a few years later at Lisa's wedding. Good heavens...look at those cute tiny girls. This picture makes me smile because I am Emily. Emily is me. I love it. Lisa looks like she was just picked off the cover of some bride magazine. Gorgeous. Look how cute and young Caroline looks over there on the left. That's all of us. All 8. Some of my very favorite people in the world.

sunday...

*Goofing off after a good day at church. :)

I hope I'm not the only person who feels this way...but Sunday's are hard around here. We don't have church until one o'clock, but somehow still manage to be frantic that last hour. I go to get myself ready, then realize I haven't done anyone's hair. I'm frustrated because Dave can't help me out with that. Has everyone had lunch? Alex, do you have your church shoes on? Mom, I can't find my scriptures. Emily, did you brush your teeth? Has someone gotten Margaret dressed? Really, it isn't this hard to get somewhere on weekdays. Frustration.

Yesterday as we were barking at eachother, rushing to get out the door in time, I found myself craving church. I KNEW the peace I would feel once we got there. Once we were all seated in the chapel next to eachother. Once I could feel the sweet spirit calming my anxiety. I am so grateful that I have a place like that to go to. That I know how it will improve my day. That I don't have to rely on things or substances to feel better. I know we are blessed for being obedient. Yesterday was a good day.