mean mommy...

I made Molly cry a few days ago. I'm sure I made her cry today too, but I'm only going to tell you about ONE time right now. I was kind enough to let her put sprinkles on her cheese, but then she wanted me to taste it. I faked a bite. Then I had the nerve to tell her I didn't really love it. I FAKED the bite, then gave up on the lie. Why didn't I just tell her how scrumptious it was? Living and learning here.

a prayer...

" Dear Heavenly Father,

thank thee for this nice beautiful day.

Please help Margaret to have a good time sleeping,

and not to wake up early anymore,

like at 1:30.

Please help me not to have any bad dreams.

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

Fingers crossed. :)

some details...

1. She speaks. Well, Dave thinks she's trying to. To me it sounds like an Olympic weight lifter. She grunts and shouts. Loud. I'm going to be honest and tell you it is not cute. By the end of the day yesterday, after hearings hours and hours of grunting, I was done. And I told the kids. I was just letting her cry. Scream, actually. I was right at the edge of my sanity. The kids were wonderful though. They tried everything to calm her and make her (and thereby ME) happy. I love them. I hate when I'm in a place like that though. Took each one aside this morning to apologize. They think I'm wierd.

2. Her pointy little tongue is always sticking out. Like some little creature trying to taste the air. Cute...but wet. VERY wet. All the time. I'm not one of those moms who has a bib on her all day either. Generally before taking her out in public, I'll put on a dry shirt and slather her sweet little cheeks with baby lotion, to cover up any possible slobber smell.

3. She is sitting up really well. She just can't get herself up or down. So, if a toy rolls away, she'll grunt until someone comes and hands it back to her. She's doing the army crawl too. Yipee. Time to get a gate.

4. She smiles a lot too. And laughs. There is not much I love more than hearing her laugh. She kicks her legs wildly and flaps her arms. Completely out of control, but completely cute.

5. She's not a cuddler. :( Just like Miss Molly. Why didn't I get one? One that will sit on my lap, lean her head on my shoulder and melt into me. They do it when they have the flu, but I can't really wish for that.

6. She has a funny face that she does all the time. She pulls her bottom lip down, stretching out her face. Then she grunts. Another of her "not super adorable" traits. I have GOBS of pictures, but none that I'm willing to share here. :)

7. She is a doll baby. We love her. I love to watch my kids care for her and adore her. She has brought so much joy to our family. Yay for Margaret!

*Know something that has a really cool crinkly wrapper that babies love to play with? A tampon. She wanted to play with the phone on the bed today, but I wasn't having that. So, she grabbed a tampon. She loved it. I laughed...until she got it unwrapped and went to stick the thing in her mouth. Try it when you're in a pinch. You'll be amazed.

ham neem neem...

Family Home Evening. FHE. Ham neem neem as sweet little Emmy used to say. Growing up, I don't think my parents ever missed a single week. Our teenage eyes would be rolling, we'd murmer, complain, revolt, but we still had it. I realize now, as a parent, just how crucial it is. We've struggled with it though. Let's be real honest. It's tough when it's just 2 of you, or 2 of you with lots of little babies. Many Monday nights would roll around, and I would panic. Shoot! We don't have anything planned. Let's drive to Sonic for slushies and read a scripture on the way. Sound good? We meant well. We really did. But preparation eluded us.

I made this FHE do-dah years ago at a Super Saturday. I bet you have one just like it. Where is yours? Ours was collecting dust in the toy room. For 5 years. The kids kept asking when we'd hang it up. I put it, and them, off. A few months ago, after the girls went to a stake Activity Days program, I was re-inspired. I hung that baby up, and things have never been the same. We hold Family Home Evening weekly. Without fail. Complete with a lesson, songs, prayers, a scripture, activity, and a treat. Tonight we have the pleasure of hearing Molly teach. I love it. The kids love it. Dave and I have such a responsibility to raise these children well. To teach them gospel truths. FHE is part of that. These sweet kids are like sponges. They absorb what we say. They believe what we say. That is so beautiful to me. Last week they all bore their testimonies. If we keep filling them with truth and light, maybe there won't be enough room for darkness.

these kids...

This picture was taken about a year and 1/2 ago, but I just wanted to talk about these kids. Ally, Emily, Matthew, Jonathan, Alex and Elizabeth. Half of them belong to Kristin (actually more than half if you count little Cortney peeking through :)) and half of them belong to me. They are dear friends. They love eachother intensely. They fight, tease, get feelings hurt, but they love eachother. This morning I was driving them all to choir practice at the school. We have the primary CD for this years sacrament presentation in the car. The first song on it is I Know That My Savior Loves Me.* I have listened to them learning it for the past month. I love it. Molly asks for it for opening AND closing song for FHE. We listen to it on repeat in the car. It's message is sweet and so true.

This morning it came on and I suggested that the kids sing it. I told them it would start their day off wonderfully. It was silent for a second, then I heard my girls start to sing. Within a few words, they had all joined in. I was completely overcome with emotion. I was driving and crying. I couldn't believe they sang it. And they didn't whisper, they actually sang. For 30 brief seconds, I feel like I was transported. I felt like the van was about to burst being too full of these beautiful little spirits. They started getting a bit silly by the second verse, but for that brief moment, the spirit was there. In my mini-van filled with 6 rowdy kids. I love them. Of course I love my own, but I love the Frey's too. All six of them are good, valiant children. I'm anxious to see what the Lord has in store for them. Whatever it is, I'm sure they can handle it. They can handle anything, especially together.

The music that these kids learn in Primary is the basis for their testimonies. The songs are simple, repetitive, and beautiful. They teach perfect gospel truths. I am so grateful for the music, for Sister Gulbrandsen and Sister Call (the music leaders in our ward primary).

Lizzy sings like an angel. Her voice is soft and pure. Sometimes I will play the piano just so she will come sit by me and sing in my ear. I think all the children sound gorgeous when they sing, even when they are off pitch a bit, but Lizzy...oh, Lizzy. If there is a sound in heaven, it's her sweet little voice, bearing testimony through song.

The gospel is true. One way I know, is how I feel when I sing or hear these songs. A burning. A warmth. Peace. Tears.

*Not my kids singing, by the way.

Molly's thoughts...

The two people I love the most is Lauren and Jesus. I love Lauren because she's the one that gave me and Annie our favorite song, a Battlefield. That's why I love her so much.

Do you know why I love Jesus so much?

I think about Jesus all the time when I'm in bed. I'll never be scared when I think about Jesus.

sitting pretty...

Sittin' pretty...and paci free!

She's done. Through. Finished. We are thrilled! About a week and 1/2 ago, we lost her pacifier. We really did. So she slept that night without it. We found it the next day but kept it a secret. She has slept without it every day since then. Naptime. Nighttime. No crying. No tears. No begging for it back. On her birthday she asked for it once. Dave asked her why. She said it makes her happy. She asked if she could PLEASE suck on it for one minute. SO...Dave set the timer, and it hasn't been in her mouth since. Woohoo.

the truth...

I have REALLY struggled with the whole Santa thing. When should you reveal the truth to your children? Alex is 10...he had to know soon. What scared me was his possible reaction. Would he be disappointed? Sad? Would he go to bed and worry about it? Would it totally deflate him? I knew that we needed to tell Alex pretty soon, but when? I thought about doing it just after Christmas last year, but then worried that he'd have a whole year to be sad about it. After talking with some friends, they convinced me that he would be cool with it, and would love the new title of "Santa's helper."

He had been asking lots of questions. Did Santa really come down the chimney in our old house? I told him NO, that the fireplace had been too small. He then told me that Santa supposedly had special powers and could shrink to get through fireplaces. Hmmm...I hadn't heard that. I quickly changed the subject. He put some pretty pricey stuff on his Christmas list. I told him that some of it may be too expensive. He asked WHY, if Santa makes it all. Here's the thing. I think he knew it may be a hoax. He kept on trying to believe though. He wanted it to be real. I really, REALLY stressed about our conversation. If you know me, you know the all-caps "really" doesn't even describe it.

A few weeks before Christmas, I told Dave I was going to do it. I called Alex into my room and told him I had a HUGE secret. It was the coolest secret ever and none of the other kids knew it. In fact, a lot of his friends at school didn't even know, so he would have to keep it in his head. I started asking him the same questions he had asked me earlier in the month. He figured it out himself. It he wasn't even sad. It was so cool. I told him he would get to come back upstairs after the girls had gone to bed, to help pile up the presents. I then told him that the bells they hear outside every Christmas were us too, with the help of Leonard last year. When he realized that he may be the one who got to jingle them, there wasn't a trace of anything but excitement. He couldn't wait. He kept up the whole Santa thing for the girls and it was darling. I was so worried he would slip. I worried for nothing.

As I mentioned before, He was bouncing on Christmas Eve. He and Dave went outside to "get the stockings" while the rest of us sat down in the living room and Lizzy started to read Twas the Night Before Christmas. Within a minute, we heard those bells, signaling that Santa was on his way. The girls dashed to their beds. Alex came running in from the garage shouting, "I heard him! I heard Santa!" I went back down to grab him a few minutes later. I could almost SEE his heart beating out of his chest. You know when you are so excited and anxious, you can hardly breathe? That was Alex. He kept saying..."This is so awesome! I LOVE this! I can't believe how fun this is!" We got it all sorted out, he even helped put out the girl's Santa gifts. He got to open a tiny one early as my thanks for his help. What a night. What a great kid. :)

He told me a few days later that he didn't really like knowing the truth. His best friends still believed and they said that if you didn't, you were crazy. I reminded him of his total GLEE helping me that night, and quickly put those concerns to rest. Now...when to tell the twins?

holidays...

Our holidays were everything I'd hoped for. They started with a quickie photoshoot in the freezing cold snow. I had just taken some darling pictures for my friend Melissa an hour earlier. I was jealous of them to be quite honest. I had to have some of my own. I ran home, threw together whatever hand-me-downs I could round up, and out we went. As we were leaving the house, I found myself wishing I was one of those "buy a new dress and tie for each kid, every holiday" kind of moms. Oh well. We made it work. The light, dusty, falling snow had turned into snowrainslush. Let's just say the kids weren't loving it. But they love me, so they did it. After that first shot, I begged for some cooperation and forced smiles, with promises of hot chocolate and treats. They delivered. :)

I think the kids got everything they'd dreamed of. I now understand my parents always telling us they didn't really want "things" for Christmas. I've turned into one of those people. I just want my sweet kids to be happy. Their joy brings me joy right back. So much joy. I anticipated Christmas morning for weeks. I had shopped my little heart out. Saved all my money from photoshoots (which was quite a bit. I pay my tithing, and I think that is why I was blessed with so much business). I toted around a little blue notebook for the entire month, reading and re-reading their lists, wondering how they would react to each and every gift. I couldn't sleep the night before. They couldn't either. Dave says they were up at 12:45 ready to go...I slept through that part. :)

Things I want to remember:

*Molly receiving her squishy eyeball. She's asked Santa for one, and what do you know... Lizzy had an extra. :)

*The faces of Emily, Lizzy, and Alex when they opened their i-pods. Each got their very own, charged and filled with 50 of their favorite songs. Dave found them refurbished through Apple. 30 dollars each! Woohoo! They COULD NOT believe it! THAT brought me joy.

*Having our dear, sweet baby Margaret with us. The kids loved helping her unwrap each gift. She didn't really care much for any of it. In time, my dear, in time.

*Alex as our Santa helper. He LOVED it. He went out back with Dave to "fetch the stockings", but really rang the jingle bell belt that each year sends the kids to bed in 2 minutes flat! After they retired, he came back up and helped us place all the gifts. He was about to explode with excitement. He couldn't keep his feet on the ground. He kept telling me how happy he was...how fun it was. It was pure joy. Intense feelings of peace and happiness for me as his Mom.







Whew. Back inside in our nice, warm house. :)

I have so much more to say, so much more I want to remember. I just don't know the right forum. Don't want to forget a single detail. <3>

my little ladies...

From this...

to this...

9 years ago today, these little sweets came along. I was head over heels from the very first second. I could not believe how blessed I was to have been given these girls. I still feel so blessed, nine years later. Nine tear, laughter, fight, hug, kiss filled years later. These girls are gifts. Are they really mine?

molly is...

4 years old!

a sunbeam,

adorable,

loud,

fiesty,

stubborn,

loving,

bright,

inquisitive,

hysterical,

talkative,

kind,

happy,

and sound alseep in the other room. :)

pretty...

The other day, I was standing in the kitchen and this is what I heard:

Alex: "Lizzy, you're pretty."

Me: "What?"

Alex: Nothing. I just said Lizzy's pretty."

Me: "Oh my gosh. (eyes watering) That's so nice."

Alex: "Well...she is."

So matter of fact. So out of the blue. You should have seen the smile on sweet Lizzy's face. It was so darling. She was so happy. She couldn't stop grinning. It made ME so happy to see that her older brother matters so much to her. And of course...it made me cry.