protecting feelings...

OK...so lately I have been struggling a lot with protecting the feelings and emotions of my kids...mainly the older 3. Mom's naturally want to protect, to defend, to shield. I realize that these little people will have to experience trial and heartache. They are both necessary for growth. I know that. It still doesn't take away from the fact that I worry when they worry, I'm sad when they are sad.


Where is this all coming from? School issues mostly. Last week we had SEP's, or parent - teacher conferences. All 3 of the kids are doing well in school. Really well actually. I am proud of them. Alex (4th grade) is reading at a 6th grade level. I'm not saying this so people can compare. I'm sure many of your kids are reading faster...or possibly slower than that. Anyhow, he was thrilled and proud. Lizzy (2nd grade) is reading at a 4th grade level and Emily (2nd grade) is reading at a 6th grade level too. Here is where I start to worry as their mom. Some are obviously doing better than others. The conversation in the car was touchy. Emily was thrilled, and rightfully so, that she was reading so fast. Who else would she rather share that excitement with than her family? She told everyone, then asked how thier reading was. Lizzy was proud to announce 4th grade. She didn't see any need to compare to Emily's 6th, I guess. That was my first worry. Lizzy, and her tender little emotions. Alex had a different response. He didn't believe her. I think he was embarrassed that his 8 year old sister was reading as well as him. I explained that she was more like the beginning of 6th, and he was almost 7th. He was actually a little teary by the time we pulled into the driveway.


How do I make my home a safe place? A place where we can celebrate one another's accomplishments, even if they exceed our own. I struggle with it myself, so how can I teach my children? They should be able to brag if they want. To their family. Without the worry of upsetting someone. Yesterday, we went to Krispy Kreme for report card donuts. They get a donut for each 4 on their card. Alex had 6, Emily had 7 and Lizzy had 5. I worried about my sweet Liz, so I found another spot on the girls cards that had number grades, only 3 of them. The girls each had 3 there, so that is what I used. I explained that since Alex was older, he had more grades, therefore more donuts. I couldn't have Lizzy leaving with less and wondering why. What would you have done? Seriously. How would you celebrate with the 2 and explain to the 3rd? I may be under-estimating Elizabeth. She may have been just fine, but I didn't want to find out.


I'm finding that motherhood is all about nurturing. That is my role. That is my job. To fill these little people up. Constantly. They may leave for school in the morning with a full tank but come home almost empty. My job is to be sensitive to them, pull them aside if I need to, and add more love. More security. More confidence. Reminders of who they really are.

I'm home...

I'm home from spending 3 days in Washington with Laura & Gunnar and their sweets. I'll tell you all about it later. Today...I am on a mission. To clean my house. Laura's house is immaculate. Spotless. And it feels good. I don't think I can ever get to that point, but maybe I can get close before this baby comes. Sometime in the next few days I'll fill you in on the whole trip AND our last day in Disneyland! I'll leave you with a brief thought or 2 on IDOL. Adam is amazing. Did NOT like Ring of Fire, but Tracks of My Tears blew everyone else out of the water. Seriously. And does anyone else think the judges are rude? I have had it up to my eyeballs with them talking and laughing and joking around when the contestants are performing or hearing their critique. It's about the contestants, you queers, whether you think so or not (that is directed at Simon and the others). Paula's mustache...hilarious, but totally inappropriate timing. Talk to you later! :)

look what happened...

She was a little excited and a little nervous about school this morning. I think she looks unbelievably adorable, and pray that all goes well. My cute little Emily, in her sassy purple glasses. :)

my sister, Tracy...

Happy Birthday Tracy! I love you so much. For those of you who don't know, this is my little sister. She is right after me in the line-up...#6. She is one of my best friends. I wish we talked more...a LOT more, but that's the cool thing about sisters. You can talk once in a blue moon, but as soon as you see eachother, it's right back to where you left off. I love that she is related to me...forever.

I'm not really even sure why, but whenever I look at old pictures of T-bird, I laugh. She was just so freaking cute with her big eyes, bowl cut, silly faces. Oh...they make me so happy. We really have been the best of friends since I can remember. Even in High School when she was popular and I wasn't so much, we were fiercly loyal to eachother. I could scream at her, hit her, kick her, but noone else could.

Seriously...look at that face! How can you not giggle?

Oh my gosh...and THIS one!

This is Tracy to a T. She loves food. I'm not sure how she stays so gorgeous, but food is a huge part of her life. GOOD food. She is all about recipes, great restaurants, trying new things. She and my Dad share that passion more than anyone else. Some of my favorite recipes EVER were discovered by Tracy after hours of scouring cookbooks. She would take them to bed with her just like me. :)

Most of my memories with Tracy include us laughing. Even when one of us is terribly sad, we can laugh. I think we learned that from our Mom. Laughter makes everything feel just a little bit better.

Tracy has been through more than her share of hard junk. She has survived cancer. CANCER. During those dark weeks and months, we would talk on the phone regularly (she was in DE and I was in UT). I would have done anything to take some of that pain away from her. I could hardly bear it. I think the only way I made it through, and was able to continue caring for my children was to turn it over to the Lord. I told him I needed him to take it from me, and he did. I wanted to carry Tracy's burden, but obviously I couldn't. She made it through though. YAY Tracy! Through everything...she just keeps going. I'm proud of her.

She is drop dead gorgeous, if you ask me. She is one of those people that looks good in everything, all the time. Her smile makes her even more beautiful. You're just drawn to her.

Tracy was always the one to make peace in our family. OK...not ALWAYS, but almost. She doesn't like confrontation or arguements, so she generally doesn't get involved. I remember her saying that she never wanted to say anything she would regret. Sounds like a great way to live. I love to be around her. It makes me happy. I long for the day when she will hop on a plane and come out to Utah for awhile. Just to hang out, laugh, eat good food, and remember great times. :) Love you Tracy!

happy birthday dear Gunnar...

This is Gunnar. My dear brother-in-law. Somehow in this crazy world, he and my sister Laura found eachother...and I am so glad they did. Gunnar is the perfect match for her. I see a lot of myself in Laura. She is fiesty, he is not. She can be anxious, a little OCD, he is mellow yellow. They are a great support for eachother. And really...have you ever seen a more attractive couple? You'd be hard-pressed.

Gunnar and Laura have 2 little girls...Elsie and Charlotte. He is a cute dad. Attentive, loving, affectionate, and like I said...mellow. I think all parents need a bit of that personality trait...I didn't seem to get any.

Gunnar is gentle. If I could only use one word to describe him, that is what is would be. Gentle. He is extrememly intelligent and will sit and read historical novels while the rest of us watch reality TV with a big bowl of ice-cream in our laps. He loves all things civil war, which has made it SO fun for my parents to find him gifts. :) He loves maps. He loves to read about making himself rich. Mark my word...he will someday. I have no doubt.

Gunnar works with his Dad and his brother Stefen. Together they all run a paving business in the Tacoma area. Gunnar works hard. Really, really hard. He is dedicated to his work, his family, his callings.

Gunnar has a beautiful singing voice. He is so mellow and reserved though, that you would never know. Sit by him in church someday...you'll see. He comes from a very musical family. Amazing, beautiful, kind parents. They have been so good to Dave and the kids and I when we have gone to visit. Going to visit the Gehrings in Washington is like therapy for me. Part of that is because of Gunnar. He is giving. He is relaxed. He is kind.

Above all else, Gunnar is a great father and husband. I am so grateful that Laura has him. That WE have him in our family. Happy Birthday Gunnar...WE LOVE YOU.

images from the last few days...

This is what I get from Miss Molly lately when I want a picture...

but if I'm really, really patient, I get one of these. :)

My beautiful girl...home sick from school. I love her big eyes, her huge ears, her freckles, her perfectly curved nose, her wavy blond hair.

Into the make-up again. This time, the expensive stuff...that I use every day.

Her daily outfit. I get her dressed, she undresses and finds the play clothes. I could not stop laughing at the sparkly cheer dress/stripey tights/ballet slippers combo.

Mmmmm...

This is what she dances to. Her keyboard from her birthday. She hits the DEMO button, turns up the volume AND the speed, then we get the pleasure of watching her dance to any thing from Jingle Bells to Fleur Elise to Oh Susannah. It's a real hoot!

Just LOOK at the moves! :)

here we go...day 2!

First stop...Newport beach. Since we were up and ready hours before either park opened, Dave really wanted to drive the kids down to the beach. I am SO glad we did. I love the ocean. I can't really even describe how much. I instantly felt peace when we walked out onto that sand and heard the waves, the seagulls. Peace and relaxation. There were several homes/cottages right there on the sand. I need one of those someday. I really do. My cares melt away by the ocean. The kids were on the search for shells as soon as we arrived, and still were as we dragged them away. I think they love the beach just as much as I do.

Every day, on our walk to the park, the kids would run and weave through these green cones. Not sure what the thrill was, but it was cute, and they were happy. :)

Our first stop on day 2 was California Adventure...and we met this guy within minutes of entering. I have to tell you about Molly and all the characters. I think in her sweet, little, 3 year old mind, it was really them. That is part of the magic of the place, I guess. Every single character has a line of people waiting to meet them. Molly would jump up and down, autograph book in hand, and spin in circles until it was our turn. Her energy and excitement were so great to watch. I DO think she wondered why none of them could talk though.

Dave took Alex and Lizzy on the Tower of Terror. That little Lizzy is amazing. No fear. Yet she is my quietest, most timid child. Look at their faces right after they got off. They are looking for me, SO proud that they actually did it. I LOVE that face. She had it every time she came off a ride. Emily and Molly and I had a good time hanging our while the others went on the big ones. They finally convinced Emily by day 3 to try a few. She's just VERY cautious. I wrote my cell-phone # on their arms with a ball-point pen just in case anyone strayed. It was MUCH less stressful than I imagined though. Dave and I were very conscious of where they all were, at all times. I had such horrible fears of losing one of my children there. Alex DID wander off a bit to look at stuff, but one of us was always watching. SO much to see, can you blame him?

We went to see the Alladin musical while there. It was SO great! The kids loved it. I video taped a bit of it. Alex asked why I didn't record the whole thing. He was bummed. I told him I wanted to be able to watch some, and he told me I could have just watched the video later. Nah. We spent a few hours at Californa Adventure, but they kept asking to go back to Disneyland, and hey...this trip was for them right? We walked through Downtown Disney hoping to catch the monorail to the park. I have to admit that by this time I was terribly uncomfortable. Stomach hard as a rock with sharp pains to accompany. I felt like I could only walk about 20 feet before having to rest. The kids and Dave were so patient with me. We finally got to the station, only for them to tell us that it was under maintenance temporarily. I could have died. SO, we turned around and back we went. Uuugh...didn't stop me from taking pictures though. :)

First thing we saw when we got there. :) How perfect. I don't know how or why, but by the time we got there, I was feeling quite a bit better. Whew.

Here we are walking "right down the middle of Mainstreet USA." Michelle lent us a sing-along DVD before the trip. The kids LOVED it...watched it all the time. She promised me that when we were walking down Mainstreet, that song would play through our heads. She was right. :) And I would actually make Dave move a few feet to the left or right, so we really were in the middle. Happy memory.

Autopia. Maybe the most fun we had on our whole trip. Quite a line, but worth every second of waiting. We had so many people (3 to a car), that they would let us go around, switch drivers and go again. The kids LOVED it, so we did too. I went with the twins and Dave with Alex and Molly. We were in the back watching Dave's car bounce back and forth the whole time. Molly was driving! Funniest thing I have ever seen. We laughed so hard on that darn ride. I could have spent 3 days right there. :)

Love this little girl loving her Minnie. Goodnight!

country night...not my personal fav...

I am definitely not a fan of country night. I really don't mind country music, but hearing the contestants try to pick and perform the right song is painful for me. Last night was NOT great. I would love to see what David Cook would have come up with. Anyhow, suprisingly my favorites were these 2 guys:

I think choosing ballads was a smart decision for both of them. Showcase your voice, while reaching the country and non-country fans. I've liked them both up to this point, but loved them last night. I must admit though, that I closed my eyes for most of Kris, so I could listen and not be swayed by his strange mouth. Anoop...I could just watch him all day. Preppy, cute, witty. In some strange way, he reminds me of my nephew Rich...who is NOT Indian by the way. So happy for both of them and the comments they got from Simon (we all know those are the only ones that count, right?).

I thought Michael was great. His song was pretty straight, hard-core country though. I'm wondering if that's what the judges didn't like. I thought he sounded good.

Also really liked Matt and Danny, although the first half of Danny's song seemed to be on and off pitch, or just not powerful enough. Not sure what it was...but by the end, I was loving it! They are both so great.

The girls really aren't doing it for me right now. I like Allison, but I'm thinking I may grow tired of her rocker-chic-ness. Lil was not ON last night. I sure did get a good laugh out of Simon calling her Little though. Alexis sounded like a little girl to me. Her voice is just not rich enough. And Megan (sorry Britt), I thought she was dreadful, flu or no flu. I felt bad for her, coughing and everything, but here little shimmy while singing is getting SO old, really fast. I like the tone to her voice and her quirky sound...sometimes. Last night was NOT working.

Scott was once again good on the piano. He just doesn't have the voice for this competition.

ADAM...what the heck WAS that? The song...hideous. His performance...hideous. His actions and wierd eyes at the camera...hideous. His black nailpolish...one again, hideous. He can sing, I won't deny that, but he was freaky last night. I don't like the way he is always performing into the camera...oogling. I don't like his high, screechy notes. I didn't like his v-neck t-shirt. There you go...I'm a snot. Seriously, what kind of albums would he make...and would you buy one? He was just plain coo-coo yesterday. He kept saying he just doesn't do country, like that was an excuse for sounding horrendous. No dude, you sounded horrendous because the arrangement sounded like it was from some middle eastern brothel and you're wierd. Whew. There you have it.