we all need saving...sometimes.

I'm loving Jon McLaughlin lately. I've loved him for awhile, but was just introduced to this song a few days ago. Today I drove home from taking my 3 year old to pre-school, and Margaret was asleep in the back. I had a chance to listen...and I mean LISTEN to this song. The words moved me. I cried. My mind was filled with people I love. M, T, C, and on and on. People who wonder of they can make it through the day, or if they will drown. People who wonder if they are worthy, beautiful, loved. I want to shout out to them that they are. I want to swallow them up in my arms, rock them, love them.

"Say what you will, but the time that we fill, while we're on the earth...should not be alone. We were meant to be known. You make me what I'm worth. But I can't keep you from yourself. You'll do what you will do.

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour and your life is just a storm you're braving. Well don't tell yourself you can't lean on someone else, 'cause we all need saving...sometimes.

I don't know why it has to be this way, and I don't know the cure. But please believe someone else has felt this before."

I have been there. We all have, in some form or another. We need our friends. We need our family. We need to be rallied around. If you are in a place in your life right now where you feel strong, help someone who is weak. If you feel loved, help someone who is lonely. Let people help you if that's what you need. That is the gospel. Loving and lifting others. It's what we covenant to do at baptism. It's what the Lord would do if He were here. It's what He does...through us.

lunch, anyone?

Just felt like posting one today. This is Alex's lunch hat. I guess the 5th graders get to rotate and help with serving and cleaning up lunch in the cafeteria. He was thrilled. No really...he was. He really likes it. And Margaret likes his hat.

I bet your daughter can't do this...

Emily catches flies. She doesn't whack them with the fly swatter, she waits for them to land, sneaks up behind them and grabs them by the wings. Is it wierd to say I'm proud?

hard boiled...

My kids LOVE eggs...hard boiled. I think it's odd, especially considering how picky they are. Dave has been boiling a lot of eggs for his breakfasts and the kids keep eating them all. They beg for them. We probably go through 18 in a week. I think half the charm may be in cracking and peeling them. They love the whites, hate the yolks. Some of the kids want theirs warm with salt and pepper. If cholesterol wasn't an issue, they'd be eating them 3 meals a day.

puddles...

I offered to drive for Molly's preschool field trip to the pet store this morning. After our 10 minute visit to the tiny, smelly, noisy shop full of filthy animals (guess what...I'm not a pet person), we went to the park. I was sitting on a bench with Margaret beside me in her carseat. She was happy as can be. Every time I would look her direction she would smile. Molly was on the swings having a grand time. She's finally learned how to pump. Go girl! I noticed a puddle forming under our park bench. Like someone had wet themselves while sitting there. I knew it hadn't been ME, and for heavens sake...Margaret was in a diaper AND a carseat so it certainly wasn't her. Then I noticed where the puddle under the bench was originating from. It was from the puddle ON the bench. The puddle of mustard-yellow slop under her carseat. It WAS Margaret. Possibly the biggest blowout of all time, and it all went sideways. Out through her leg, down under the cushion, and out through the plastic at the bottom. I had it on my pants, my hands, but I certainly wasn't going to have it on my car. Luckily I had a garbage sack under the front seat for my carsick kids. That went under Margaret who smiled the whole time, with no idea how much stress she was causing me. We're home now. She is all cleaned up. I can breathe again. My question is...how can something so tiny and beautiful, wreak such havoc? And WHY does Molly need me to wipe her just as I get Margaret into the sink for a bath and splash water all over the kitchen floor?

Margaret really is such a delight though. My friends who heard her screaming in the hallway last Sunday may think otherwise, but she is yummy. :) She has made it through her rough patch. It lasted a good 4-6 weeks, but she is now a happy little thing. She coos and smiles all the time. I could stare at her for hours. My eyes STILL water when she smiles at me. They probably always will. The only time she really cries now is when we are out driving. She's fine in her carseat at the grocery store or at home, but not in the car. She can't see anyone and she doesn't like it. I miss having the twins in the car with us. She likes to have me in her line of sight. Sometimes if I turn my back to her, she'll fuss, then smile as soon as I turn back. Fuss. Smile. Fuss. Smile. It's pretty funny actually. She's thinking about rolling over. She does NOT dig time on her tummy and will try desperately to flip. Dave and I have even gotten a few laughs out of her. She's not consistent with it, but good heavens...it is sweet. THE sweetest sound on God's green earth. I'm thinking she weighs about 12 pounds. She is 3 1/2 months and 12 pounds. That's a little thin. She's long and lean. Not sure why my babies are so little. Surely she'll plump up.

Her best friend in all world (aside from momma) is her mirrored reflection. She can go from tears to a nice little chat with herself in 3 seconds. I don't think she has any sense that she is smiling at herself, just some cute little girl who always smiles back. She is a joy. She is adored by all 6 of us. I think she always will be.

bartering...

This is Molly and Elsie at Spence's Bazaar last summer. Right in the heart of Dover, DE. I have lots of memories there. Our youth group from church would hold fundraisers at this flea market/auction/junk sale. It's only open a few days a week in the spring, summer and fall. It is hot. It is crowded. It is loud. It is dirty. And it has some of the best food and trinkets around. A bit like DI, but under sweltering, steamy tents. Filled with Amish people and their goods. My mom likes to frequent Spence's. Today she was there while we were talking on the phone. She spotted a birdcage. They wanted $7. "I'll give you 5". DEAL. Dang...she is good. :) It reminds me of an experience she had a few years ago before her finely tuned bartering skills had reached their peak.

She was shopping with my nephew Adam. He found some little cracker jack toys for 25 cents that he liked so she bought him one. They were such a screaming deal that they thought they ought to buy a few more. Mom was going to barter. She was new at it, so it took a minute to muster up the courage. Her heart was racing, palms sweaty as she approached the shopkeeper. "Tell you what...I'll give you 75 cents for 2." Nervously she waited to see if he would accept her offer. "Lady, they're a quarter."

I love my mom. Her life is FULL of experiences like these. I just may start having MJ Mondays on my blog. I'll have to run it by her first.

If you're ever in Dover, which I doubt you will be, be sure to stop by Spence's. QUITE an experience.

glee...

I am so sad. After watching the pilot to this show months ago, Dave and I have been dying for the season to premier. We loved the pilot, minus a few questionable scenes. The music and dancing are so great. They make me happy. We had the episode recorded and I would actually catch Dave watching this song...all on his own. So, the first episode was last week...and it was filthy. I am not one of those "stand on the corner holding signs that demand Victoria Secret remove their posters from the mall" kind of girl. I don't really take a stand very often. I will if my kids are involved. We have a guy down the street with the f-bomb on a bumper sticker. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to pound on his door and suggest he take it off his monster truck. Anyhow...back to Glee. I am so terribly disappointed. I may actually write a letter to Fox letting them know. I realize I probably won't make a difference. Sex sells, right? Whatever. It's worth a try. I need them to hear how I feel. They took what was a smart, witty show, and tramped it up. Here's the thing...it was funny enough, and clever enough without the filth. That's what you add when you don't have good enough material...but they do. Kindof like using foul language when you aren't clever enough to think of the right words to use. Dave and I were mortified at the subject matter they were joking about. The music was still great, but it was all tainted. For being a not-easily-offended gal, I was offended. What to do?

smile...

I told Molly to make her smile. 3 year olds take things VERY literally. :)

This morning the kids asked why there were flags lining the street. My mind started to race. It wasn't a holiday. Why were they there? Then Dave reminded me what today was. I wanted to sit down and cry for a minute. Partly because I almost forgot, something I never wanted to do. And partly for all those people who lost so much that day. I think it'd be great if we all took a minute, maybe even a few, out of our busy day, to remember, and to thank the Lord for all that we have.

giving love...

This song by Jon McLaughlin has me thinking. Something I've been thinking about for a little while actually. My friend Lauren gave it to me on a mix and I love it. Download it...seriously. There is a line in the song that says..."The only way to love yourself is giving love to someone else." Today when I was listening, it struck me.

This is me and my cute niece Valerie when I was in college. I was 20 years old. I didn't really have anything to be self conscious about, but I was. Really self conscious. And high school was even worse. I would NEVER go back. Not for a million bucks. Actually...NOW I would. That's what I'm getting at. Back then, I was always convinced people were talking about me or staring at me. I felt like I just didn't fit in. I did OK during field hockey season, but once that was over, I was nervous. All the time.

College was better, I just dealt with it differently. A few months ago, I went to an Israel reunion. I lived there, in Jerusalem, from January to June in 1994. Best time in my life. Without question. I made so many dear friends. I strengthened my testimony. There were about 120 students there with me. I thought I knew them all. At the reunion, I realized that I really didn't. I remembered their names (most of them), but couldn't remember being friends with them there. The kind of friends where you sit at lunch together, laughing about your day, chatting about friends and family at home. I had lots of that kind of friend in Jerusalem, but I definitely wasn't friends with everyone. I think I was nervous. I knew who I was comfortable with, who made me laugh...and I stuck with them. I wasn't confident enough with myself to stray too far from my pals. I wish I could go back NOW. Now that I know who I am. Now that I have a genuine interest in people. All people...not just the "cool" ones. I think my experience would be so much richer.

So...this song made me think...when did things change? They changed when I became a mother. I was a good sister when I was younger, a good daughter, a good friend. But I never loved someone so wholly and completely. Not until I met Dave and we started a family. Once I gave these people all of my love...I started to see my own value. I had always been taught that I was of worth, but only in the last 10 years have I truly felt it. I KNOW it now. And because I love myself, I can love others more. It comes full circle.

conversations with Molly...

I am in love with Molly today. It definitely is not roses and daffodils around here all the time, but I am loving today. She has just gone down for a nap. Margaret is asleep. The house is really quiet. Molly and I made some raspberry muffins together. Molly with her 2 day old hair-do and Home Depot apron. She stands on a little chair and helps me. I wish I had the time or the patience for this kind of stuff every day. It makes me so happy. Her too. We connect...and I want to eat her.

This morning we went for our daily walk. Drop the kids off at school at 8:15, then continue walking through the neighborhoods until about 9. She was really, really talkative today. We had some great conversations. Try having one with a 3 year old. You will laugh and have to stop the stroller multiple times to look at her and kiss her. Today we talked a little about dying. We do that a lot. I'm not sure why she is fascinated, but she is, so we talk about it.

"Mommy, when you die, you go up into the sky. How do we get up into the sky?"

"I don't know. What do YOU think?"

"I think you open up the sky. Then get a ladder and go up into the sky. Then you close the sky. Jesus is up in the sky and he will help us."

A few weeks ago, I was warning her about something that could hurt her. I remember telling her that she could die if she wasn't careful. She told me that was OK. It would be so great because then she's "gurn (going to) see Jesus, Joseph Smith, Grandpa Bird, Hinckley." Yeah...just plain Hinckley. She isn't afraid. I think that's cool. Obviously she still doesn't quite have a grasp of it, but she's getting there.

After our walk..."Mommy. I'm in the mood for a hula-hoop."

She was in bed with Dave this morning while I was feeding the baby in the rocking chair. She was cuddly and cute and down right hilarious. I wanted to video tape her. I feel that way a lot. Like I want to video tape her whole life...every second. I don't want one detail to slip from memory. Her scratchy - squeeky voice, her soft skin, her freckles. I'd like to think that the Lord has a treat in store for us. A whole room full of DVD's. Details from our lives that we could sit and watch for days.

cheap entertainment...

Here's how it works: turn on the karaoke machine (I'm pretty much the queen, but that's a post for another day), plug in a microphone, crank up the volume, then listen to aaah's, oooh's and coo's from our little Margaret. This time she even got a wig. Seriously, we will laugh for 20 minutes straight, listening to her and watching Emily stroke her face trying to get her to speak. Margaret likes it. I'm just sure she does. You should see her face the first time she hears her voice blasting from the speakers. :)

molly venice...

"More pasagna please." I love lunch time with Molly. The kids have had early out every day this week, so it makes things a bit more hectic, but on a normal school day, it's great. Just me and Molly, sitting at the table together, the baby asleep in the back. We have great 3 year old - mommy conversations. She really needs time like that. Where it is all about her. I do too. It reminds me how darling she is and helps me forget the trouble she can cause. She loves lasagna. Pretty great for a picky eater. I made this last batch in the crock pot. Easy and fabulous!

Lots can happen while mommy is on the phone and stressed out. Like writing on arms and bags full of parsley from the garden. I asked her what she had done to her arm. She knew she was busted. Here was her response..."In case we go to Disneyland, then I will know my name." I had to set the phone down, laugh a bit, hug her, then grab the camera. While in Disneyland in the spring, we wrote my cell phone # on everyone's arm with ball point pen, just in case (in my anxiety filled mind) we became separated. She still makes us laugh every single day. I love her to pieces.

UPDATE : click HERE for the lasagna recipe. It's great!

our first day...

OK...so I have put off the "back-to-school" post long enough. I figured everyone was posting them...how could anyone possibly want to read mine? With my new determination to document our every day lives though, I had to do it. I realize some of you won't be thrilled, but I guess that's OK. It's mostly for us anyhow.

School brings a lot of emotions for me. First of all...excitement. The kids are thrilled. They don't even realize that we never went school shopping or got them new backpacks. They are excited to see their friends and make new ones, meet their teachers, find out what's for lunch.

Kristin and I walked the kids over together, babies in tow. It was a gorgeous morning, especially for August. The kids were beaming...and tired. I love the Frey's. I am so glad my kids have friends like them.

Waiting at the cross-walk. I love our crossing guard. She is so friendly. She is a mom. I know she'll look out for my kids.

Lizzy and Emily outside their classroom. Their window looks directly into Alex's room. FUN. They look so thrilled here. I know they were. The energy at that school was so great. I could feel it. Kids were happy. Teachers were happy. Parents were happy. I think they also look a teeny bit nervous. I can remember a lot of anxiety mixed in when I was younger. I was anxious hoping they weren't anxious. So silly. My kids have a lot more confidence than I did at their age though, but that's a post for another day. :)

Molly had her first day of preschool the next week. She is the 1st Schofield kid to go to a 3 year old preschool. She needed it. She is bright...and bored. She has a new princess backpack. She has the habit of bringing her hands to her face when I tell her to smile. I think it's hilarious! She looks a little hesitant in this picture. She is looking at me, but not really AT me. More like THROUGH me. That equals nervous. So I did my best to hype it up!

Maybe I AM excited!

Am I?

She really didn't want me to leave. She didn't cry, but she held on to me, until she got distracted enough for me to sneak away. I was sad for her though. A brand new place, she didn't know a soul, and she had no idea when I would come back. As I drove away, I saw one of the teachers holding her, like she had tried to come after me. I cried. I knew she would be OK though, and she was. She came out smiling. She has gotten clingy and told me she wasn't going each time since, but she always comes out smiling. Whew.

why SO many pictures...

Roughly 1000 pictures a month. Of my kids. Not including any photoshoots. When I was still using film (which just ended 2 years ago) it was costing us an arm and a leg. Dave wasn't thrilled, but I wasn't stopping. Now that I use a digital camera and picture taking is nearly free, I can't slow down. I figured out my obsession the other day.

I am always chasing that perfect image. Not perfect to you or the guy down the street, but perfect to me. I rarely get it, so I click, click, click...hoping. I will look over at my child, something will catch my eye, and my heart skips a beat. I panic. STOP. Don't move an inch. But they always do. I need to freeze it, so I can see it over and over again. Those beautiful moments are so fleeting. They are growing too fast. SO many people have warned me that they grow too quickly. I see what they mean. Pictures are my way of bottling them up. I asked Alex a couple of months ago how he was such a great artist. How could he draw things in his mind, without copying or tracing? He told me that when he sees something he likes, he blinks. A real hard, tight blink. That creates a memory. I wish it were that easy.

In an effort to capture the every day, the beautiful fleeting moments, I am committing myself to clicking and documenting more regularly. That means taking pictures of the regular stuff. Not portraits, just my kids being kids. Not perfect to you, but perfect to me. I also need to write more. Not waiting for the big moments or profound thoughts, just trying to capture what we do every day. Our family.