another letter...

Another letter, from my sweet , handsome Dad...

to his newest, little grandbaby.

My Dad has never met my baby girl. It took me a moment to understand exactly what he meant in this letter. I am so grateful for eternal families. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I love letters from my Dad. He is very old-school. Hand-written, stamp, envelope. He is amazing with his words. They flow so beautifully. They are full of council, validation, and love. They are all treasures...every single one.

*Little Margaret is very cute. It looks like she gets lots of attention - from everyone. I can't wait to meet her again. It has been a long time.

basil and tomatoes...

Our neighbors Jan and Leonard have really treated us to some great stuff from their garden this year. I thought we ought to try and reciprocate, so we took them a bag of cherry tomatoes (sweet 100's...YUM) and fresh basil...weeks ago. At least half a dozen times since then, Molly has gone outside with a little baggie, filled it up with goodies and asked to run it over. She loves Jan and Leonard. And I love watching her do it. VERY cute. :)

remember...

Do you remember making these? Friendship bracelets. I have made hundreds and hundreds. Some for friends, some for sisters, missionaries (yeah, yeah...you read that right. I was a total flirt at 12 years old. They wore them though. I felt like a million bucks!) I felt like my kids needed to learn the art. I know 3 different weaves, but this one is the easiest for them. They are going nuts. They made them for Annie in the van on the way to the airport. Then Annie needed to learn how. Their wrists and ankles are decked out. Lizzy even made one for my 28 year old nephew Rich when he came to visit. I wanted to kiss him when he said he'd wear it (though he chose the ankle rather than the wrist...it can easily be covered by a sock). :)

I love to see my kids enjoying things that I loved when I was their age. I think I'll show them friendship pins next. You know...the safety pins with colored beads, hooked on their shoelaces). I see so much of myself in them. They are passionate. Take last night for instance. We went back to school shoe shopping. Lizzy and Alex both got new Nike's. As soon as we got to the car, they tore open the boxes and put them on. We went to Target next. I could see them staring at their feet. And they were running...everywhere. If they had to go 6 feet, they ran. I wanted to tell them to chill out, but then I remembered myself at that age, when I got new shoes. I would rub my feet in the dirt like a bull about to charge. I loved feeling the tread, hearing it, and seeing the track it left in the dirt. I was convinced I ran faster each time I got a new pair. I'm so glad that such simple things can make them happy. It makes ME happy.

family visits...

Our family visits for the summer are over. I am exhausted, but also sad. These visits have filled our days with laughs, good food, great company...and lots of late nights. I saw this thought on another blog and wanted to put it here.

"To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know eachother as we always were. We know eachother's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time."

Clare Ortega

That is how I feel about my sisters and my lone brother. :) Like they are my truest friends. Like they know me better than anyone else, love me more, support me more, forgive me more. There has been a lot of forgiveness in my family. I've been forgiven for things I have said or done, things I have forgotten to do, ways I have acted. There has been a lot of unconditional love. A lot of tears and heartache. And a LOT of laughing. I am so grateful for my family...including my parents. I am so grateful that families are eternal. That they can go on forever. That these people are in my life for the REST of my life and on.

Rachel and Annie were just here for a visit from Pennsylvania. We had a great time. Some of my favorite things about company:

Sunday evenings in the back yard. I love the cool grass, kids playing on the tramp and swingset. I love the slow pace...like we don't have a single place to go or a care in the world. And I love to take pictures...of all of it!

I love that my siblings love my kids just as much as I do. I love seeing my kids with their cousins, and hanging all over their aunts and uncles. It makes me happier than most anything.

I love laughing about old memories and making new silly ones.

Bridal Veil Falls

Monte L. Bean museum

Come again soon, Annie and Rachel! We love and miss you.

this is me...

This is me...as seen by Molly,

and this is Molly as seen by me. :)

being mom...

So my sister Rachel left this morning, and I am feeling a little overwhelmed by this brood. 6 of them. 5 of my own and a sweet little niece. Annie is here with us until Sunday. We are thrilled. I am tired.

I've heard it said that being a mother is like being pecked to death by a chicken. I have always thought that sounded so ridiculous. Today I feel pecked. What's for lunch? Peck. Peck. Peck. Can I have a snack? Peck. I'm bored? Peck. Mommy, the baby is crying. I'm hungry. Can we have a slumber party? Can we make friendship bracelets? Can Ally come and play? What fun thing can we do today? Peck.Peck.Peck. I don't have much to give today. I told Dave when he got home that I need to feel like I am not needed. Just for a little while. Then I realized that all I need is this:

I don't really want to be unneeded (if that word even exists). It feels good to have someone need you. It feels great, actually...just tiring. A few minutes ago, I went back into the bedroom and rocked my swaddled little baby. Her eyes stared into mine. She smiled. She cooed. And she relaxed me. Rocking her is kind of my escape. My quiet refuge. Things slow down for those few minutes. It's just Margaret and me. The Lord knows what he is doing. Giving can fill you up. When you feel empty, try to give a little more...or come over and rock my baby.

I have lots to talk about from this past weekend and my sister Rachel's visit, but for now...please come pick some peaches! Our tree is FULL of juicy, ripe peaches. I know we'll never be able to eat them all, and they are delicious. The limbs are hanging to the ground. Seriously. :)

turning a corner...

I've just finished rocking the baby to sleep. She cooed at me for at least 10 minutes. I would talk, she would coo. Whisper...coo. I don't know that there is a sweeter sound in all the world. Maybe a baby's laugh...we aren't there quite yet. Her coo is the softest, airiest, smoothest sound. I could fall asleep to a CD full of it. Like I said the other day, I think I am now being rewarded for a tough first few months. I realize this is just the natural development of babies, but I'm pretty sure the Lord knew what he was doing.

I remember a friend's thoughts that she shared years ago. She talked about one of her grown daughters who had just had a baby. She wondered why she wasn't feeling the butterflies, "I'm in love with this little person" feelings. Her mother promised her that as time went on, and she cared for and served this baby, those feelings would come. I think there is a lot of truth to that. I had those good feelings in the hospital and most every day since, mixed with some not so great feelings. I've been anxiously awaiting where we are right now. I knew the time would come. That she would sort out how to cope. That she would smile. That she would try to speak to me. That is partially what gave me the patience. She is now sleeping 7+ hours at night. She is crying less...SO much less. I know there are tantrums, sassing, tears in the future. I know there are. But I'm just loving today. I think struggling through the screaming, the diapers, the spit-up...I think all of it makes you love them more. They NEED to be dependent those first few months. They need to so that we HAVE to serve. We have to think outside of ourselves. We have to plan everything around the baby. We have to rush home early from things to tend to the baby. You love those you serve. It holds true at church, in the world, and in our homes. Serving strengthens relationships. Taking care of Margaret has made me fall in love.

*Tomorrow I will write the story of her birth...before I forget.

shhhhhhh...

I've got a little secret. This book. For the past year or so, I have been faithfully reading the blog of a friend of a friend. I was referred to her first for her photography. It is amazing. I love the way she sees little people. I also love what she writes. She's a mother of 5 and certainly has her up and downs. She never tries to make it seem as though it is all a bowl of cherries. I appreciate that so much. She and her mother wrote a book together this year. All about motherhood and little secrets to help us see the joy in it.

My hospital stay after I had Margaret wasn't what I hoped it would be. SHE was wonderful. She wanted me alot, but I was fine with that. I loved it actually. In those 2 days, we existed for eachother. But the hospital was hot. It felt like 80 degrees to me...all the time. So if I felt stressed...I felt REALLY stressed. Dripping. Uncomfortable. My window wouldn't open. Quite frankly, by the second day, I was ready to bust out of there. Generally I love the hospital. The doting nurses. Peace and quiet. Not this time. I wanted to go, but I couldn't yet. My Mom came on that second day, so Dave felt like he should probably stay at home with her rather than in the hospital with me. I REALLY didn't have a problem with that, until about 10 o'clock that night. I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep. The baby was down in the nursery. I was too hot...and I was lonely. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I needed my husband so badly, but I knew I couldn't call him over so late at night. I would just manage. At that moment, tears running down my cheeks, I hear the door open. In walks my sweet husband. With him was this book. A gift from my Mom. I have no doubt that the Lord knew I needed him right then. I needed his calming touch and voice. Even if just for a few minutes. He also knew I needed the words that were in that book. My Mom listened to promptings she may have had, and bought it for me. I stayed awake reading for hours. It changed my entire attitude. I could forget the heat. I was a mother of five. I was so blessed. I know things will be tough. They already have been. But I have some secrets now. Some reminders. Motherhood is sacred. My children are treasures. I CAN do it. I have help. Divine help.

a special day for Margaret...

Margaret was blessed by her Daddy yesterday. The day was full of a lot of emotions for me. The ordinace itself is very special. Dave tells our sweet Margaret what the Lord would have her know. The priesthood makes that possible. I am grateful for my husband. I am grateful that the Lord heard and answered my prayers. My darling girl slept through the entire blessing and the rest of the meeting. I was able to feel the spirit, without an ounce of stress about my baby. I love my friends and family and am so grateful for those who came to support us. Our house stayed cool and we were able to have a wonderful family get together. I've been so worried, but it was all for naught. The day was seamless. Perfect.

18 of the 39 (am I right?) Schofield cousins. We LOVE our cousins!

My sweet family. Mine. Good heavens, I love them.

51 years ago, they made the best decision of their lives.

I love you Mom and Dad.