This is me and my cute niece Valerie when I was in college. I was 20 years old. I didn't really have anything to be self conscious about, but I was. Really self conscious. And high school was even worse. I would NEVER go back. Not for a million bucks. Actually...NOW I would. That's what I'm getting at. Back then, I was always convinced people were talking about me or staring at me. I felt like I just didn't fit in. I did OK during field hockey season, but once that was over, I was nervous. All the time.
College was better, I just dealt with it differently. A few months ago, I went to an Israel reunion. I lived there, in Jerusalem, from January to June in 1994. Best time in my life. Without question. I made so many dear friends. I strengthened my testimony. There were about 120 students there with me. I thought I knew them all. At the reunion, I realized that I really didn't. I remembered their names (most of them), but couldn't remember being friends with them there. The kind of friends where you sit at lunch together, laughing about your day, chatting about friends and family at home. I had lots of that kind of friend in Jerusalem, but I definitely wasn't friends with everyone. I think I was nervous. I knew who I was comfortable with, who made me laugh...and I stuck with them. I wasn't confident enough with myself to stray too far from my pals. I wish I could go back NOW. Now that I know who I am. Now that I have a genuine interest in people. All people...not just the "cool" ones. I think my experience would be so much richer.
So...this song made me think...when did things change? They changed when I became a mother. I was a good sister when I was younger, a good daughter, a good friend. But I never loved someone so wholly and completely. Not until I met Dave and we started a family. Once I gave these people all of my love...I started to see my own value. I had always been taught that I was of worth, but only in the last 10 years have I truly felt it. I KNOW it now. And because I love myself, I can love others more. It comes full circle.
6 comments:
wow... I love the honesty. I really do. I think we have all been worried about who we are. I still do sometimes. But, I love that becoming a Mother made you realize what your true potential and worth is. You are worth a million bucks in my book!
I completely understand how you feel. There is nothing I like better than getting to know new people. Really getting to know them. Genuine interest. Everyone has something that can be added to your own life experiences. Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone is worth so much.
I loved this post and I so wish I could share my knowledge and yours that you shared with others...especially my daughter. I don't want her to have to wait until she is a mother to know it...but as you said...everyone (everything) comes full circle.
Thanks for sharing!
This is an amazing amazing post. I'm going to have to go away and really think about it, about what it means to love oneself for loving others. I think you're such an incredible person. I wish you could come back to Jerusalem and that we could meet there! :)
Amy I's seriously crying. I need to come talk to you. Love you.
kristin
well, you never, ever would have guessed you have ever felt like that....seeing as you are one of the funniest and coolest people ever, especially you were in Jerusalem - I loved that experience so much as well - I was in provo hanging out on our way to SLC last weekend, I almost out of the blue stopped by at your house b/c I knew you lived somewhere near there and I didn't want to spend ALL my free time at Krispy Kreme:) But alas, I didn't - maybe next time! erin
I''ve always known you were cool. Even in your old "mom" bras. I am blessed to know you, and so are all the others you have known over the years. Humility is a strength not a weakness. It's silly that we feel the best about ourselves as we age and lose what the world sees as the most "valuable".
Post a Comment