daughters...

Let me tell you about my morning. On Tuesdays, I go to the elementary school to volunteer with my kids classes. This morning I convinced Emily to change from her shorts to some cute red goucho-sweats. I love them...she never wears them. She was excited that it made me happy. When I got to the school, I realized it was a mistake. I could tell she had been tugging at them and pulling them up all morning. She's super skinny and why they don't put real drawstrings in those things is beyond me. Here was my solution. Send Emily and Lizzy to the bathroom together to switch pants! Lizzy is a wee bit thicker, so I thought it was a brilliant idea. Lizzy wasn't happy about it. Not at all. I convinced her to do it anyway. I'll give you gum. I'll give you starbursts. This will help Emily so much and make me so happy. Well, she did it, but she cried. She just knew that people would stare and wonder why her pants were different. I didn't really full understand the concern, but then I started to remember those feelings of not wanting people to stare. Being terrified of being the center of attention when I didn't want it. I didn't know what to do. I debated going home with the girls to get entirely new outfits. Lizzy figured that would be even worse.

I convinced them to just go with the flow. I handed them some gum and candy. Lizzy wanted to save hers for the walk home, Emily wanted to eat her candy right away. I obliged. They went back in to the classroom...Emily smiling, Lizzy terribly worried. All the kids were on the mats in the middle of the room for story time. Everyone WAS staring. 2 seconds later, Emily came out crying. Her (nasty) substitute teacher told her to spit out her candy. Emily was sad and embarrased, and I was angry to be quite honest. Let her chew the dang thing. Don't call her out in front of the whole class. She's a good girl. She doesn't deserve that. I tucked another one in her pocket for later and sent her back in. The entire class stared as she found her spot on the floor. She put her head down and cried some more. Right next to her was my sad, worried Elizabeth.

I stood there wondering what to do. I wanted so desperately to go in there and comfort them. Would that just embarass them more? I couldn't walk away. They were sad. I was sad. It's one and the same. I realized in that moment, that I had to let them experience whatever they were experiencing. There really was nothing I could do. That's a frustrating, helpless feeling. The good thing is, they are resilient happy girls. It would work itself out. I knew it would. So...I walked away. Now THAT was hard. Walking away is so hard.