rest day...

Sorry...it's a picture of my feet. Ew. I just have to show what running has done to my cute, tan, painted in mango, feet. Second and third toenails on the left foot went black, then fell off. Second and fourth on the right...same story. I've gone to see my foot doctor friend, who has actually pulled 2 of them off. Turns out, I get blood blisters under my nails when I run for a long time. Shoes fit just fine...thanks for asking though. When I step forward to land on my heel, my toes over-extend a little, lightly tapping the tops of my shoes...every 2 seconds...sometimes for 15-16 miles. Small price to pay, I guess. They look really pitiful. At this point, I am painting my flesh with nailpolish, so as not to draw too much attention to their toenail-less-ness. Sad.

Dr. Jared is concerned about my bunions, especially the one on my left foot. I have had them all my life. My mom has them, and her mother had them too. The curse of Elizabeth Lilley. They have never bothered me...at all. They really haven't. They're ugly, I realize that, but they have never hurt or inhibited me in any way. Until recently. Dr. Jared was surprised that they have never bugged me. He pushed on them from underneath to show me how my range of motion in my big toes will eventually go away. He has said that as soon as they start to hurt, I need to get them operated on. The first time he mentioned that, I thought, "OK...I'll call you when I'm 50." The next time I went in, I swore that the one on the left was bigger. He did some x-rays and was once again surprised there was no pain. A week later, on an 8 mile run with Tara, I felt it. Not pain, just a tiny ache. I noticed my bunion for the first time in my life. It has bothered me a tiny bit since. It isn't keeping me from running, but it worries me...a lot. IF I DO need surgery, I need to do it soon. I have a marathon in May that I will need months to train for. Do I wait, see how it feels over the next few months? Then what if it is too late? My mom and sister have said the recovery bites. I cried to Dave the other day about it. You see, running is working for me right now. It is keeping me thin, keeping me happy, helping my self confidence. If I have to stop for a few months, where will that leave me? Will Tara find a new running partner? Will I have to start from scratch and teach myself to run again? Will I get fat? I know...chill out, right. I don't want to. I've been the big girl for many years now. That just ISN'T ME though. If I can't run, how can I maintain my weight? I'm doomed. For now, I'm just crossing my fingers that I forget that bunion is even there.

On to today. I am tired. I'm not sleeping well. I wake up at 3 or 4 nearly every day to go to the bathroom, then can never really fall back asleep. I am a sleeper! I can fall asleep in seconds, anywhere, and stay asleep. What is this mess?! My legs are tired. I think I have strained my quads a little. Could be the mileage I am putting in. Could be the exercise videos Tara and I do. Could be the 16 miles of hills we did last week. Whatever it is, they hurt. I can still run, but after 7 miles, they feel as though they still aren't warmed up. I know I need to rest them just a bit. SO, Tara has had a headaches the past few days, and I am resting. I don't like it. I really don't. I know I have to do it, but I don't have to like it. I have been running 5-6 days a week for months now. Partly because I like it, and partly because I feel like I have to. I'm kindof OK with it today. I KNOW that 2 days off will not hurt my endurance, my weight, my speed. None of it. I just need to hang tight. Next week will be better. I'm sure of it.