definition...

I made Molly cry again today. I took some of her school papers that were cluttering my desk and hid them in the kitchen garbage. She found them and wanted to know why I thought it was ok to do that. It wasn't a bratty cry. The opposite actually. The kind where she is trying to hold it in, and my throat is burning just watching her. THEN...like a message straight from my loving Heavenly Father, I received a letter in the mail from a dear friend. I miss her. I love her handwriting. I love that she knows when I need something personal from her. AND, I love that she reminded me of something, whether she knows it or not.

I am NOT defined by a clean house. I am not defined by clutter or lack of it. I am not defined by how fast I can run a mile. I am not defined by dishes being clean and laundry being folded. I am not defined by how I presented my YW lesson. I am not defined by how I look. I AM defined by who I am. I am a daughter of God. Always. No matter what. I am defined by my husband and my children. I am defined by how I treat them. I am defined by the kind of people they will become. THAT will define me. And if I am too concerned with de-cluttering, I will miss my opportunity to mold them and shape them and love them.

I feel pulled in SO many directions lately. Too many. I can see it happening. I can see the distractions that Satan tries to put in my path. I know it's him too. As I type this, I am listening to some beautiful "church" music. It is lifting me. My letter from my friend included beautiful thoughts from Patricia Holland about parenthood. They lifted me. I know though, that as soon as I let down my guard, as soon as I allow unimportant things to creep in, I become lost. My mind cannot focus. I feel frustrated. I feel dark. Not depressed, I promise. Just not bright and light and cheery.

Hideko Lee taught a beautiful lesson in RS Sunday. At moments, her soul was speaking to mine. I will serve my little family because I love them. I will fold the clothes, clean the dishes, and leave the clutter, because I love them.

I thank the Lord for putting sisters in my life who remind me how to be happy. Truly happy. How to define myself and remember who I am.