8 eyes...

So, it happened. Lizzy got glasses. She told her teacher the other day that she wanted glasses so she could be more like Emily. Don't worry, I didn't just buy them for her. Her eyes really aren't great. She's been having headaches from straining. Poor kids...they are taking after their mother. Lizzy was thrilled though. Thrilled. They have been asking me for weeks to go get their eyes checked and order the glasses. But...we had to wait until the 27th for Emily to be eligible for her new pair. They broke just weeks after the one year warranty, and a months before new ones would be covered. They have been held together by a fat ball of hot glue.

Here is Elizabeth yesterday, waiting for her chance to finally try them on. I need to remember just how excited she was. I had gotten a message earlier that they had arrived and we could come pick them up. As soon as the girls walked in the door from school, I told them it was time to go. :) Lizzy said, "I TOLD you Emily! I told you it could be today...that we might walk in the door and Mom might say...Your glasses are ready". They were giddy. Crazy. It was pretty darn cute.

I've told some of you my concerns already, but I'll mention them again. Glasses change their face. It is a whole new child that I have to get used to. I know I will. And I know I'll love it. Alex and Emily are dreamy in their glasses and Elizabeth is too. Sad to say goodbye to that sweet glasses-free face though. Contacts are still a few years out.

I told Elizabeth that a few kids at school may tease her when they see her new look. I also told her to remember just how beautiful she looks and not to worry about any comments. Emily has since taught her how to care for them, where to keep them. Oh my goodness, they are so pretty.

mom AND dad...

So, I spent last week as a single mother. Dave had a business trip of some sort in DC. I do NOT like being home alone. I get scared. I wrack my brain with escape routes for me and the kids should we have an intruder. I get tired. I don't sleep well. Anyhow, I guess I am growing up. Aside from missing him every day, I did pretty well. I really did. Didn't even need a Xanax. Here are a few things I learned:

1. Dave is an amazing father. The best, actually. Sometimes though, he is like one of the kids. When I am trying to quiet things down at bedtime, for example. I had more control over the kids without fun dad here distracting them. :)

2. I can do it all on my own. I'm glad I don't have to, but I can. I realized I ask too much of Dave. While he was away, I did the laundry, the dishes, got kids to appointments, on time to school every day, and even ran in the mornings. I am lazy, and when Dave is around I want him to do half the work. I expect him to. The fact is, I am happy when I'm doing the work. I know that sounds really weird, but as soon as he got home, I wanted him to carry his part of the load and I got grouchy. I think I need to live as though he isn't here, and get it done myself. I know I'm babbling, but it was a very liberating week for me.

3. I like having pre-teens. I wasn't afraid this week. I didn't hear random noises. I didn't have to plan escape routes. I did get a wee bit freaked when my power went out Thursday night as I was popping popcorn. It always does that though, so my brains attempts to have me believe someone had CUT the power didn't work.

4. My kids are amazing.

5. My friends are amazing.

I felt relaxed, calm, and in control. Not that I want him to leave again any time soon though. We love him too much.

our sunday...

Sunday was a big day for our family. Alex received the aaronic priesthood, and was ordained to the office of a deacon. He has been talking about this for awhile. Talking about it and anticipating it. When you turn 12, if you are found worthy after an interview with the Bishop, you are given the priesthood. The priesthood. What an amazing power. It has blessed my life so many times. And now my sweet boy has it. Alex totally gets it too. He understands the responsibility, the gift, the power. He tells us he already feels different.

He was called to the podium during sacrament meeting to be sustained. He was also asked to share his testimony. He has a pretty strong conviction about the gospel. I've never heard his testimony sound quite like this...and he shares it a lot. It sounded older. More mature. Maybe it's just me, but he sounded like a priesthood holder. I was really, really proud, and so happy that he sees the importance of this day.

After the meetings were over, we were called into the Bishop's office as a family to witness Alex being ordained. The Bishop had a few wonderful things to say, then Dave ordained my son. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever heard. Alex is a powerful spirit.

Dave gave Alex a card as we were sitting at the dinner table that night. All I saw was "Congratulations On Your New Job" and I got teary. I am so blessed to have a husband who knows how to make Alex feel important and special. I am grateful for a son who is able to recognize the spirit. Good things from here on out.

my firstborn...

He's 12. My sweet boy is 12 years old. I've learned a lot through being his mom. I'm still learning...and making mistakes along the way. Like this morning when I realized he had lost his fleece jacket. The 3rd jacket I have had to buy because he loses them. He loses things a lot. I get mad and say things i regret. Not mean things, but things that make him sad. There is no taking that stuff back. We had a great talk this morning before Dave took him to school late. I HAD to make it right and talk with him so he didn't spend his day wondering how I felt about him.

I love him intensely. I had been told what it was like to be a mother. How you loved someone more than you ever thought you could. I still wasn't prepared. I was in love with him from the second we met. He was so beautiful. I couldn't understand why the nurses needed to take him to the nursery. I lay awake all night, waiting for them to bring him back.

I have learned that my kids respond to me better when I am tender with them. They love their dad and I. They want to make us happy. They don't want to disappoint us. For years, Alex would plop down by me whenever I was sitting on the couch and ask me to rub his back...under his shirt. Every single day. Several times a day.

There was a time where he would always come looking for me after his nap. He was worried and afraid. He would call out to me. When he found me, he would sit on my lap and relax. It reminded me a lot of our calling out to the Lord. That He is always there.

I have learned the importance of forgiving and apologizing. He always forgives. I love that he will talk to me after we argue. We can discuss things and figure out how to make them better. He is such a sweet, tender, loving boy.

Alex is a crazy kid. He makes people happy. He's really nice. I try to help him understand how much his kindness affects people. I think he gets it.

He had his interview with the Bishop on Sunday. The one where he is found worthy to receive the aaronic priesthood. The Bishop had such good things to say about him. I was ridiculously proud. My eyes watered as I watched him smile and fidget in his chair. He is so excited. I am so happy to be his mom.

*A few things about my 12 year old boy:

- he wanted PB cookies as his birthday cake.

- he loves vanilla ice-cream. Butter pecan too, but mostly vanilla, just like his dad.

- he is a brilliant writer and artist.

- he loves to read.

- he desperately misses his best friend Jonathan.

- he is all about i-tunes. He'll listen to his favorite song on repeat for an hour.

- he loves me and wants to hug me all the time.

- he loves school. He can't wait to play the trumpet next year in the middle school band.

- he still worries about his height. Not as much as he used to though.

- his favorite meal is Italian chicken...the crockpot kind.

- I could tell you a million more things. I'll tell you this...I love him to pieces.

definition...

I made Molly cry again today. I took some of her school papers that were cluttering my desk and hid them in the kitchen garbage. She found them and wanted to know why I thought it was ok to do that. It wasn't a bratty cry. The opposite actually. The kind where she is trying to hold it in, and my throat is burning just watching her. THEN...like a message straight from my loving Heavenly Father, I received a letter in the mail from a dear friend. I miss her. I love her handwriting. I love that she knows when I need something personal from her. AND, I love that she reminded me of something, whether she knows it or not.

I am NOT defined by a clean house. I am not defined by clutter or lack of it. I am not defined by how fast I can run a mile. I am not defined by dishes being clean and laundry being folded. I am not defined by how I presented my YW lesson. I am not defined by how I look. I AM defined by who I am. I am a daughter of God. Always. No matter what. I am defined by my husband and my children. I am defined by how I treat them. I am defined by the kind of people they will become. THAT will define me. And if I am too concerned with de-cluttering, I will miss my opportunity to mold them and shape them and love them.

I feel pulled in SO many directions lately. Too many. I can see it happening. I can see the distractions that Satan tries to put in my path. I know it's him too. As I type this, I am listening to some beautiful "church" music. It is lifting me. My letter from my friend included beautiful thoughts from Patricia Holland about parenthood. They lifted me. I know though, that as soon as I let down my guard, as soon as I allow unimportant things to creep in, I become lost. My mind cannot focus. I feel frustrated. I feel dark. Not depressed, I promise. Just not bright and light and cheery.

Hideko Lee taught a beautiful lesson in RS Sunday. At moments, her soul was speaking to mine. I will serve my little family because I love them. I will fold the clothes, clean the dishes, and leave the clutter, because I love them.

I thank the Lord for putting sisters in my life who remind me how to be happy. Truly happy. How to define myself and remember who I am.

help me out here...

Molly is sassy lately. Really, really sassy. She has been from the second she arrived on this earth, but just plain mean the past few weeks. She is livid if she doesn't get her way. She makes "I hate you SO much" faces. She yells at me. She bobs her little smart aleck head back and forth while she tells me she won't do what I'm asking. Twice in the last week, I have called her over to me to tell her she needs to stop what she's doing, and she just won't come. At home that's typical, but in public, she's generally a pretty good girl. I have to chase her, which makes me look like a freaking idiot, then grab her, then hold her face still with my hand so she will look at me. The whole time she is squirming, pulling away, and hollering like I am breaking her in half.

The truth is...I want to break her in half. Sometimes. I mostly want to stay calm and in control. But in these situations, SHE is calling the shots. A lot of times, she is yelling at me in the car. My blood starts to boil and I yell back. I am then smack dab in the middle of a screaming match with my 5 year old. I can see the type of teenager she is going to be if we keep this up, and I don't like it. I don't want to feel like all is lost, like I can't reason with her. She is a very tender but passionate child. My well of "Molly patience" has run completely dry.

lots of pretzels...

So the other day at the grocery store, Molly begged me to get pretzels. The big kind. When they are $2 a bag, how can I argue? She didn't really want to eat them though. She wanted to make these. I'm not totally sure what they are, but don't they look DELICIOUS??? Almost as good as the slice of american cheese covered in sprinkles from 2 years ago. If you'd like to try them out, make sure you freeze your marshmallows first. That is her secret. Oh crap, I just gave it away. I LOVE that she wears an apron to assemble them. Have I mentioned that she used to call it an "apricot"?

Lizzy had a little fun with the pretzels too. Can I tell you how dry my mouth was from eating these things all day? Very dry. Their thing is to tell me that they love me more than I love them. They really think they do. They have a lot to learn about motherhood. :)

When out of paper, whip out the dry erase board with NON-dry erase markers. This is Aunt Fanny from Robots. SUCH a great resemblance. :)

Molly finally got some nibbles on her pinecone-covered-in-peanut-butter-and-birdseed-birdfeeder. A cute little chikadee and she missed it while at preschool. She was pretty happy with the picture though.

Molly also likes to take my camera out of my drawer and photograph things. It would be fine if it didn't cost more than our house. She likes to take pictures of Margaret. Margaret likes to watch Despicable Me...every day. I'm going to tell you a little secret. We plop her in her highchair, right in front of the television so we can get things done around here. Yup...we really do.

That's our March so far, aside from Dave's fabulous birthday. I'm thinking of taking him out for a post birthday photoshoot and balloons. I don't think he'll be game.