running for fun...

The kids school has a long standing (3 year) tradition going. They have a Fun Run every fall. It's a fundraiser for the school. They hope to raise close to $8000 each year. Not sure if they get that much, but I'll bet it's close. I hate fundraisers. With a passion. I realize they are kind of necessary, but I don't like sending my kids out to all the neighbors houses (my friends) and having them ask people if they'd like to buy some ridiculously expensive, completely unnecessary item. And I've got 3 kids asking. How do I manage that? I can't expect neighbors to buy from each kid. I CAN have them ask neighbors to sponsor each of them with $1 for their Fun Run though. WAY less pressure. Each kid earned $15 too. It was awesome.

The morning of the race they are always excited/anxious. They pick their outfits the night before. They giggle and chatter as they leave the house. It was cold this year. They didn't care. They run 2 miles...around the school and baseball field two times. Each year they get faster. They really do. Usually the girls beat Alex by quite a bit. Not this year. They still passed him, but he took it a lot more seriously and really pushed it at the end. I think all 3 of them made it in the top 20-ish, out of several hundred kids.

I love watching them run. LOVE. The girls cleaned house in their track meet last spring. Lizzy won the 4oo m and Emily the 200 m. Their all girl, all 3rd grader relay team got 2nd place in the mixed grade (up to 6th) 4x100. I was a maniac. A screaming, jumping, crazy woman. Alex did great in his meets this year too. Faster every time. The last meet was his best. He was discouraged. He felt small and slow. I told him on his 400 m, to save some energy for the end. Not to worry if people passed him early. He did it, and he passed quite a few of them just before the finish. Again...crazy woman. I tear up, get covered in goosebumps. They make me proud. I can see their joy and pride, and it overwhelms me.

I think a lot of my joy comes from the fact that I love running so much right now. I know how good it can make you feel. How accomplished. I was a team sport girl in my childhood, but I may just push this track and field thing. It's individual. They work hard, it pays off. They are runners. I just know they are. They love it. I get excited just thinking about them getting faster, stronger. We'll see where this running thing takes us. :)

down a notch...

She's cute, right? That little one on the left. OK, now that we have that established, let me tell you how I'm feeling the past few days. Margaret yells...a lot. I would actually call it more of a screech. Like a cross between a hawk and what I would imagine a teradactyl sounded like. The pitch is unusually high. They are short, intense, loud bursts coming out of this cute thing. You see...she doesn't speak yet. At all. No, I take that back. Molly and I are pretty sure she just said, "Eyes. Uh-oh. Ball." All with prompts. She should have quite an extensive vocabulary by now. She really should. I know not to worry. Molly didn't talk a bit until she was a nice 21.5 months old. Now her vocabulary amazes me. I know the speech will come. But the screeching has to stop. This morning I woke up to it, with remnants from yesterday's headache still in there. She can't tell me what she wants. She can point and screech. Point and screech. Point and screech. While I run around like a crazy, trying to guess what it is she's asking for. I'm really, really tired. She's waking up every night, screeching from tooth pain (I think). She goes to bed screeching. Screeches while eating. Screeches when her diaper is dirty. My poor head.

I'm sleepy...

(Me, Tracy and Mom, around 1975...WIDE awake)

I'm not sleeping well lately. Let me fill you in here...I do not have trouble sleeping...EVER. Unless I am stressed about missing a flight, I have a race the next morning, or I am 8 months pregnant with miserable heartburn. None of those things are concerning me right now. Generally, I will fall asleep less than 60 seconds after my head hits the pillow, then right back to sleep if somehing wakes me up. I love to sleep. I need sleep.

A few months ago, I had a 3-4 week spell where I was having trouble. I thought maybe my half marathon looming in the near future was giving me anxiety. I also thought it was my runs with Tara early each morning. Was she going to make me go fast? Far? The half marathon came and went, my runs with Tara got easier (or I got stronger), and the sleep troubles went away.

They are now back and have been for about a week and 1/2. I am not stressed about anything. Not my runs. Not my calling. Not my family. I wake up to go to the bathroom 2-3 times a night (I know...maybe I should lay off the fluids after 6 pm). After I get up, I start to worry that I won't be able to doze off. Nothing else is in my head, just worry about falling asleep. I tried switching pillows, covering my bright alarm clock with a rag. I don't want to resort to sleeping pills, because I know I will become dependent. I KNOW I will. My cute friend Brittney introduced me to sleeping with a fan my junior year of high school, and now I have to tote one on vacation with me. Anyhow, last night was better. I got 7 hours. I got up early to run and actually felt ok. Keep your fingers crossed for me.


Dave left early for church on Sunday. Like 7:30 am early. I told him I REALLY needed to sleep, so he asked the kids to keep things in order around the house. They did a great job. Margaret was even quiet. Molly was NOT. She came in my room 4 times, scaring the living snot out of me with her face 2 inches from mine, to tattle, cry after a fall...whatever. One time when she snuck in, I faked like I was still asleep. She put this paper on my dresser. Keep in mind...she is 4 and in preschool. I could tell exactly what it said...but let me help you out:



Alex is being mean and not sharing the ipad. I am being nice. Molly
You are nice. Amy



I laughed out loud and blew my cover. Isn't she great?

change is in the air...

This kid is dreamy. I love him so much. He just got new glasses. He picked these bold red/black Umbro frames. He looks even more like an artist now. A handsome little artist. I was concerned that they may be feminine. I'm not really sure why I thought that. Glasses are tough for boys. Girls frames are coming out the ears, with a dash of boys frames mixed in. I'll tell you what though...when the Bishop oooed and aaahhed over them at church the other day, Alex was sold. He already loved them, but with the Bishop's approval, it was a sure thing. The Bishop is cool. If he liked them, Alex was happy. He was pretty smiley as the Bishop walked away. It was really cute.

Alex wants to grow...tall...like right now. SO, he is eating more. He will now eat pizza, which is a big deal around here. He's still not a fan of tomatoes or tomato sauce, but he'll try them before telling me he's not. Just the fact that he is willing to taste. It thrills me. He is by far my pickiest eater, and he's trying things. He's eating himself silly at dinner. We went to Tucanos on Saturday with my parents. Alex ate more than I have ever witnessed. To top off all the meat, he even ate a chicken heart. A CHICKEN HEART. ALEX. I couldn't stop gushing. I am a proud mom today!

rest day...

Sorry...it's a picture of my feet. Ew. I just have to show what running has done to my cute, tan, painted in mango, feet. Second and third toenails on the left foot went black, then fell off. Second and fourth on the right...same story. I've gone to see my foot doctor friend, who has actually pulled 2 of them off. Turns out, I get blood blisters under my nails when I run for a long time. Shoes fit just fine...thanks for asking though. When I step forward to land on my heel, my toes over-extend a little, lightly tapping the tops of my shoes...every 2 seconds...sometimes for 15-16 miles. Small price to pay, I guess. They look really pitiful. At this point, I am painting my flesh with nailpolish, so as not to draw too much attention to their toenail-less-ness. Sad.

Dr. Jared is concerned about my bunions, especially the one on my left foot. I have had them all my life. My mom has them, and her mother had them too. The curse of Elizabeth Lilley. They have never bothered me...at all. They really haven't. They're ugly, I realize that, but they have never hurt or inhibited me in any way. Until recently. Dr. Jared was surprised that they have never bugged me. He pushed on them from underneath to show me how my range of motion in my big toes will eventually go away. He has said that as soon as they start to hurt, I need to get them operated on. The first time he mentioned that, I thought, "OK...I'll call you when I'm 50." The next time I went in, I swore that the one on the left was bigger. He did some x-rays and was once again surprised there was no pain. A week later, on an 8 mile run with Tara, I felt it. Not pain, just a tiny ache. I noticed my bunion for the first time in my life. It has bothered me a tiny bit since. It isn't keeping me from running, but it worries me...a lot. IF I DO need surgery, I need to do it soon. I have a marathon in May that I will need months to train for. Do I wait, see how it feels over the next few months? Then what if it is too late? My mom and sister have said the recovery bites. I cried to Dave the other day about it. You see, running is working for me right now. It is keeping me thin, keeping me happy, helping my self confidence. If I have to stop for a few months, where will that leave me? Will Tara find a new running partner? Will I have to start from scratch and teach myself to run again? Will I get fat? I know...chill out, right. I don't want to. I've been the big girl for many years now. That just ISN'T ME though. If I can't run, how can I maintain my weight? I'm doomed. For now, I'm just crossing my fingers that I forget that bunion is even there.

On to today. I am tired. I'm not sleeping well. I wake up at 3 or 4 nearly every day to go to the bathroom, then can never really fall back asleep. I am a sleeper! I can fall asleep in seconds, anywhere, and stay asleep. What is this mess?! My legs are tired. I think I have strained my quads a little. Could be the mileage I am putting in. Could be the exercise videos Tara and I do. Could be the 16 miles of hills we did last week. Whatever it is, they hurt. I can still run, but after 7 miles, they feel as though they still aren't warmed up. I know I need to rest them just a bit. SO, Tara has had a headaches the past few days, and I am resting. I don't like it. I really don't. I know I have to do it, but I don't have to like it. I have been running 5-6 days a week for months now. Partly because I like it, and partly because I feel like I have to. I'm kindof OK with it today. I KNOW that 2 days off will not hurt my endurance, my weight, my speed. None of it. I just need to hang tight. Next week will be better. I'm sure of it.

molly the good girl...

I am loving this little girl right now. 4 3/4 year old Molly. She is fiesty and stubborn, sure. Not so much lately though. She and I have had many discussions about her mood swings in the last few weeks. She can go from 0 to 60 in seconds. Happy and laughing, to a fake tantrum, to real tears. REAL tears. She can fake her way to a come-apart. I have been focusing on how SHE is in control of her mood and her happiness. She can pout and be lonely and sad, or she can change her mood. She totally gets it...which amazes me. When she is moping on the couch, I will get right up in her face, nuzzle her a little and say, "Change your mood Molly. You can DO IT." Then she does. She looks at me with an enormous smile plastered on her face. You better believe there is some clapping and celebrating around here when she does it. It is a REALLY big deal to me. She is 4 and is deciding, "I don't want to be sad...I'm going to change things around." I think the positive feedback is what makes it worth it for her. It makes me really happy.

As I've mentioned before, Margaret likes to pull Molly's hair. I used to think it was just the pretty color. She wanted to touch it. I don't think so anymore. She knows it's naughty. She'll grab a handful then look around to see who notices. Molly ALWAYS notices. She screams for help, but never hurts Margaret. I'll tell you what, if someone grabbed a chunk of my hair, repeatedly, every day, I would snap. I would swat her. Molly never does. She is so kind and gentle with her. Another way this sweet girl impresses me. Today, we practiced grabbing Margaret's wrist, and leaning INTO her hand rather than pulling away. I think it just might work.

halloween...

OK...I am going to come right out and say something. I hate Halloween. Everything about it. I realize that some of you will not even want to be my friend anymore after this confession. Hear me out. First of all...what is it all about anyway? What the heck are we celebrating? Grown-up women being able to dress like French maids for the day? Skeletons, ghouls, goblins, or even worse...vampires?

Every year when October hits, I decide that I will make costumes for my kids. I will save money this way for sure. I will sew, use old things from around the house, I will create...for my kids...because I love them. They have wierd ideas for costumes though, so I put it off. Until about the middle of October. Costumes, or the thought of them, just linger...like a dark cloud, hanging over my head and following me everywhere I go. It stresses me out. There is a lot of pressure to put together the most fabulous costumes. I hear what my kids friends are planning and think..."Oh crap. Seriously? I better get to work." Once again, the question...what are we celebrating anyway? So last Saturday rolled around, and I had had it. Just like I do every year, 2 weeks before the big day. We load up the car and head out to Joanns, Walmart, Halloween City...to BUY the darn things. It's just easier that way. Sure, they are 20$ each, but the stress or lack of it is totally worth the money. EVERY year I cave. The thing is, by mid-October, most of the good stuff is gone. Mark my word...I WILL buy next year, and I WILL buy earlier.

Halloween City is a zoo. A gray, freaky zoo. There is blood everywhere, screaming monsters, spiders...for what? Honestly, that place felt very dark to me. I didn't like it at all. Halloween gives people the excuse to be dark for the day. It's ridiculous. There are hoochie cosumes for the grown woman who feels the need, right next to Ariel and Buzz/Woody.

I do NOT dress up. Ever. I am not vehemently opposed. I actually think my friends who do, look really cool. There is just too much pressure. And too much money. I cannot and will not spend 50$ on a one time thing. Nope. Dave's work has a family Halloween (do I really even need to capitalize that?) party every year. It's cool. Most departments decorate to the hilt. Not Dave's. It used to bother me. I didn't want people to think they were lame. This year I FINALLY got it. It is a massive waste of money. It's too much pressure to out-do the freak carnival from last year, or Hogwarts Express from 2 years ago. They still hand out candy. I'm cool with that. Well...kindof. The candy is a whole other monster. Candy at school. Candy at the work party. Candy at the ward trunk-or-treat. Candy from the neighbors. Candy coming out our ears.

Listen, I love my baby in a cute plush costume as much as the next person. I can put her in one any time though. I don't need candy, goblins, or jack-o-lanterns to do it.

Whew. That felt REALLY good.