This morning I went on a walk with my friend and we had a nice long talk about being nice. A few weeks ago, someone had the nerve to rip on Alex...to ME! I was completely shocked. Annoyed, hurt, and shocked. I just kept saying how cute and fun I thought he was, and she kept telling me he was annoying. I could not believe it. I really couldn't. So, it leads me to wonder where she learned that that was OK. First of all, to talk about him. Second of all, to do it to his mom.
Lizzy and Emily are having some problems with one of their friends at school. She has been their friend since kindergarten. She is really cute and fun...and really manipulative. Lately, she has been trying to get them to cheat. She wants Emily to help her write her book report. She wants to look at Lizzy's paper during class. She urges them to lie to their teacher and to me. I've HAD it. I really have. We have been having LOTS of conversations about her this week. About what is ok, and what isn't. About saying no until she stops asking. About kids who try to manipulate their friends. I talked to their teacher about it this morning. I think it will help. Emily and Lizzy are brave, and they have eachother, but peer pressure in 5th grade is ridiculous.
My friend and I talked about lots of other things we have observed in people around us and are wondering why kids aren't nicer. More honest. Harder working. Less judgemental. How do we teach them to be more kind? That's the answer...we TEACH them to be more kind. We teach them every opportunity we get. Every day. We have conversations with them about what happened at school. About what is happening in a program we are watching. About what they learned at church. I think a lot of parents let things slide. It's easier than making a big stink. I let things go sometimes, but not often, if I'm being honest. Yes, my kids are brats sometimes. Yes, they are disobedient. Yes, they are mean. I'll tell you what though, when I am there, when I notice, we stop and we talk about it. We need to make more of a stink. "That wasn't very nice to say." "It's not nice to correct people in front of others." Don't ever point out what makes someone different...ie. fat, warts, whatever. They already know they are different." I think all of these things can be said in a gentle, loving, safe way. We can help them try to feel what other people are feeling. We can, right?
Kids and teenagers get smart and sassy. I did. Does that mean it's ok? I really don't think it is. Things people say can hurt. Kids need to be more aware of that. They can HURT someone by what they say or don't say, what they do or don't do. They need to feel more accountability. It is not ok to be mean. It's not ok to ignore and leave people out. It's not ok to get our kicks and laughs at other people's expense. It just isn't.
There is no question I could be working at all of this a little more for myself. My kids need to see me be nice. They need to hear me be nice. And THEY need to be nice. Couldn't we all work together and create a kinder, gentler generation?
7 comments:
What a wonderful picture of your girl.
Ummmm, I can't imagine Alex EVER being annoying. I am so grateful every day for his example to Jonathan. Sometimes I want to say, be more like Alex . . . but I don't. Not exactly. It is kind of making me really bugged inside. Okay a lot bugged. The world needs more Alex's. Serious.
Crazy about the girl in the twins class. Especially that she is working on them both too. Though I guess she knows you don't seperate them. Just weird though.
Yes, you are right. It is in our laps. I hope all the time my kids are nice to others. I pray for it. I was on the receiving end of some not so nice stuff in jr high and it is still there if I let it be. Your post makes me want to teach even more. Teach service and love and kindness.
Good luck with all of that stuff you are dealing with. I love you.
Oh, Jonathan was so proud to tell me that Alex is Deacon Quorum counselor. He thought that was pretty darn cool.
I think some parents just get so sucked into life that they forget it's their job to teach their children values. Some parents are so focused on making sure their kids are in EVERY SINGLE extra cirricular out there. That's what good parenting is to them. It's too bad, because by the time they get home after running around all evening, they are all just too tired to teach anything worthwhile. I couldn't agree more. We need a nicer, harder working and kinder generation. Of parents.
I love what Sarah(?) said about giving our kids plenty of ways to fill up their time but not giving them enough 'teaching' time. I'm probably too hard on my kids. I know I am. But that's my fear, exactly - that they're going to see too many bad examples out there and think it's normal. It's one of those things I never thought I'd worry about until I became a mom. <3.
For the record, in case I am making my kids out to be angels, Alex and I had a nice talk last night. The deacons (most of them...Alex included) were being completely crazy at YM/YW last night. A member of our bishopric was with us and was rightfully losing patience with the boys. After YM, I asked Alex if he had noticed. He had. I explained that being crazy is ok, but when you notice that the adults are no longer laughing and are getting frustrated, it is time to stop. Like I said...opportunities to teach every day.
AMEN.
So true! I need to have more of those teaching moments for sure.
Post a Comment