my marathon...

I am not really even sure where to start with this post. I ran a marathon! 26.2 miles! I have wanted to do this for awhile now, I just can't believe it actually happened. Yesterday was one of the most amazing, rewarding, exhausting days of my life. Happy. I was/am just so happy. Training for this marathon started in January. I was ready to go. Having been sidelined last May when I was supposed to run Ogden, I needed to do this. I needed to get a marathon under my belt. I needed to see that it was possible and that I was capable.

At the end of January, I started having some serious pain in my left calf. I now know that that was a stress fracture in the making. I ran on it for 2 months, then at the beginning of April, was told by my Dr. to stop running temporarily. I missed a total of 8 weeks of training. :( I worked really hard at the gym, hoping to keep my endurance and my desire. It worked. It really did. I could NOT have finished yesterday without all my hard work. BUT...I was only able to complete one 17 mile run (in March), a 13 miler (3 weeks ago) and one 20 miler (2 weeks ago). Tara had another 20, a 22, and a few others in between.

Going into this race, I felt confident and I felt calm. If you know me...I don't really do calm. It's just not in my nature. I am a worrier. A worrier with extreme anxiety. I KNOW that prayers said by me and those said in my behalf were heard. Not just heard, but answered. Could yesterday have been better? Maybe. That doesn't change the fact that I know the Lord heard and was supporting me yesterday.

Friday night, the James' and the Schofield's went out to dinner (I have pictures to post, but can't seem to get blogger to work). I still felt calm. It was good to laugh and distract myself from the thing I knew should be stressing me out. Nick and Tara picked me up the next morning at 3:30. I had actually slept for about 5 hours the night before. I'll take 5 hours the night before my first marathon. :) Thursday night was even better...more like 10. :) I was calm on the whole bus ride up. I was looking at this race as a long training run. I knew I could keep an 8:45 pace, and I knew I could keep it for a long time. My dream was to get in under 4 hours. Not just to finish, but to finish strong at 3:5x. I didn't care how close to 4 it got, I was just really hoping to break that hurdle. I didn't though...and that's ok. I am thrilled with my performance!

Tara and I had driven the route earlier in the week. I am so glad we did. I (kind of) knew what to expect. We had been watching the weather really closely to see what Saturday would hold. Well, it held cooler temperatures, but also wind. The wind terrified me. It really did. Wind is hard. It would be sunny during that last 6 mile stretch down University Avenue. The hardest stretch, and the one with no shade. Oh well...I would just go for it. Hang with Tara. Do the VERY best I could. Tell my mind to get out of my body's way.

The race started off so great. It was nice and cool up in Wallsburg. Their elevation is nearly 6500 ft. The first few miles were a pretty steady downhill, followed by a few miles of fairly flat. Our pace was great. I felt good. Strong. Confident. We had a few quick miles in there. A little quicker than I wanted, but I knew there were hills and lots of them coming up and a few faster miles would help me mentally. There was a handful of times where I got teary during that first hour. I was running a marathon! I was actually doing it! I had a great support running right beside me. I was so, so happy.

Once we reached Deer Creek (7.5 miles), we turned to head down Provo Canyon. It wasn't really down though. I knew it. We had driven it. The hills were big, but I liked hills. I liked that I could see the top of the next few in front of me. Our pace stayed right where it needed to, but the exertion level intensified. The wind had started. It was fierce. I don't know the exact mph, but I know that it had been forcasted as 16 mph, coming from the south, right in our faces. Hills are hard. But you push through them and get your reward at the top. The bottom drops out from under you, and you sail. Your legs recover, your breathing slows down, and it can feel fairly effortless. But not yesterday. The wind was so strong that the downhill became difficult. Our breathing never had a chance to regulate. The wind was pushing against us while we were supposed to be flying. For at least 10 miles. Those 10 miles were insanely difficult. We stopped at every aid station (every 2 miles) to drink and catch our breath. I realize now, that I took too much time at them. My body would tighten a little, and my core would begin to cool. I was just so darn tired. My energy was sapped.

At about 15 miles, I hit my wall. 15 miles! This wasn't supposed to happen until 20 or later. What was going on??? I was so worried. I told Tara something had changed in my mind. I no longer knew if I could do it. I was so, so tired. My will was gone. The thought of 10+more miles made me cry a little. How had this happened so soon? I'll tell you how...wind and hills. It's a tough combination. Anyhow, Tara told me to push through one more mile and I would be through that wall. The rest of the race wasn't doomed. I just had to get through it and keep going. It worked. It really did. I felt good for the next while. We saw Dave and the kids somewhere around 18-20. I was SO happy. I had to walk and cry for a minute. Why not RUN and cry? I don't know. The whole day was just so overwhelming for me. We saw them several more times during that last stretch. They gave me strength. So did my friends I saw along the way. My wonderful friends who gave up their Saturday morning to support Tara and I. I have a few more thoughts on that later, but let me just say this. I love them.

Something started happening just before mile 20. I started having a cramp in my right calf. Not my injured leg. That one held up just fine...the whole time. The cramp was intense. It would only last a few seconds, but it made me feel like my leg would buckle. I had seen videos of people hobbling across the finish line with their legs so tight they could hardly move. That just couldn't be me. I walked a few times with Tara, then realized they really weren't going to totally go away. I couldn't keep up with her anymore. It was an easy conversation. You go ahead. Kick butt. I'll see you at the finish. I think she was hesitant. She was worried. She didn't want me to give up. But see, I KNEW there was no giving up. I was NOT going to quit.

The next 5-6 miles were hard, but not as hard as you would think. The cramping started happening a lot more frequently. I would have to stop, bend over and rub my calf until it relaxed. Then I would slowly start shuffling again until I got up to speed. Before I knew it, the cramping would be back. I knew Gatorade and bananas would help. They did. A lot. Just not enough to ever make it go away. So...this is what I did. I told myself that if it wasn't cramping, I needed to be running. As soon as it did, move to the side, rub it out, then start again. My left leg actually started in on it too, but only a few times. Anyhow, this led to me walking briefly at least 10 times. Probably closer to 15. And if I'm really being honest, a few of those walking sessions had nothing to do with my leg. I was spent. I was SO tired. Only a few though. :) I knew I could still make it in under 4 hours. I watched my clock. Every time I walked though, I would see it slipping. Once I reached 22 miles, I knew I had just over 4 left, and 36 minutes. That's 9 minute miles. 4 of them. I could do that with my eyes closed. I still felt confident, but my leg just wasn't having it. Then something changed in me. I just didn't care. The 4 hour thing no longer mattered. I was doing this. Running a marathon. I decided to be happy and let it go. Looking back, letting it go allowed me to walk a few more times than I needed to, and that's ok. Next time will be different. Yesterday it became all about finishing. I wasn't settling for a new goal, I had just had the wrong goal at the start. Finishing was HUGE. Finishing with a smile.

Each mile that beeped on my Garmin after 20 was a milestone. I had never run that far. I was SO happy. I smiled a lot. I prayed a lot too. Out loud. Asking Him to continue helping me. To carry me down University Avenue to the finish. He didn't carry me, but He sure did make my legs capable of all I was asking of them. There were people everywhere. The energy was amazing. Spectators. Volunteers. Other runners. SO much support. People turning their head as they ran past me, shouting encouragement to me.

There was a moment just before the last mile where I stopped in a porta potty. I came out, tired and worn down. A woman was there talking on her phone. She saw me, put her phone down to her side, and said, "You've GOT THIS. You can do it." She high-fived me and I was on my teary way. Seriously, I cried all day long. Not crying from pain. It was happy crying. Joy. I got to 400 N (4 blocks from the finish) and went for it. I wasn't fast, but I wasn't shuffling either. I felt strong. As I went into the finishing chute, I was completely overcome with emotion. I was nearly finished. I had done it! I had run a marathon. The cheers were so loud. People were high-fiving me along the way. I DID IT! I bent over and cried. Holy crap, I did it. I heard Tara calling me, turned around to hug her and sobbed. I sobbed. She worried that I was sad or disappointed, but it was just the opposite. I was so, so happy.

Then I saw Dave and the kids. Sharene. Kami. I nearly burst. My joy was full. I had worked hard and accomplished something wonderful. These amazing people had supported me the whole time. They knew I could do it. I have more to say on that, but I think I will wait for tomorrow. This post is LONG. I will end with my splits (including walking through aid stations/fueling/bathroom breaks - no stopping the watch). I hesitate to post these because the end was so rough. I like to be a finisher. I like to end strong, faster than I started. It did NOT happen yesterday. My body wasn't quite ready for all those miles. It will be next time though.

1- 8:44

2- 8:14

3- 8:04

4- 8:20

5- 8:08

6- 9:08 (fuel stop)

7- 8:16

8- 8:57 (start of the hills)

9- 8:47

10- 8:31

11- 8:26 (fuel stop)

12- 9:47

13- 10:36 (insane hills & wind/bathroom)

14- 8:13

15- 8:33

16- 10:06 (fuel stop)

17- 9:17

18- 9:03

19- 8:22

20- 12:07 (cramping started to become more frequent/fuel stop)

21- 10:08

22- 11:17

23- 9:51

24- 11:58

25- 12:36

26- 13:55 (bathroom stop)

.2- 3:07 (9:14 pace)

26.33 miles 4:12:41

average pace 9:36 (and I'm ok with it) :)