a few more thoughts...

I was able to post more pictures...yay! So, I thought I would post a little more about my day Saturday. Things I want to always remember. Things I learned. First of all, I learned a lot from Tara. I will cry as I type this and I've cried every time I think about it. Tara has taught me so much in the past few days about being Christlike. I have mentioned this before, but this is her 5th marathon. She is a much more experienced runner, and came into this race much more trained than me. For the last few months, I had assumed I would be running it alone. She was ready to run the race of her life. To PR. After our long run 2 weeks ago, I realized she planned on us running together. I can't tell you the sense of relief I felt. Now I KNEW I could do it. It was just another long training run. :)

For the first 14-15 miles, I felt like I was keeping up. When I hit my wall at the end of mile 15, I worried a little. I didn't want to hold her back. I had to walk a few times over the next 5-6 miles. At times it was due to my cramping leg, at others it was just to breathe. She would stop and walk with me. She would talk me through it. Finally at mile 21, my leg just wouldn't stop giving me trouble, so she went ahead. Her pace immediately picked up to what was natural for her and her long legs. I secretly prayed she would beat her old PR of 3:53. She missed her goal by 2 minutes.

Over the last few days, I have had moments where I have become discouraged and frustrated. Not with my performance, but that I had yanked her goal out from under her. Take away the many times I made her walk "for just a sec" and she would have had it. She just doesn't see it that way though. She really doesn't. She is proud of her performance. She believes those walking breaks gave her the umph she needed to finish strong. She feels so much joy in knowing I finished and she helped me do it. And that is where we are different. She sees the positive, and I see the negative...or at least my mind tries to convince me to. I want to be that person that rejoices at other people's successes, even if they are at the detriment of my own. I want to be that person who sacrifices what I want so that someone I love can have what they want. It has given me a lot to think about. I love Tara for all she did for me that day.

I think many of my tears on Saturday were a result of the support I felt all around me. I have mentioned it many times now, but the support I felt from my family and friends was enormous. It lifted and carried me. It calmed me down when I started to feel anxious. It gave me energy when I was feeling weak. When my friends and family weren't around me on the course, the Lord placed other people right where I needed them. During the last mile, I even saw "Go Amy" twice written in chalk on the road. Those notes weren't written by anyone I knew, but I have no doubt that they were for me. I smiled and cried tears of gratitude when I saw them. Strangers became dear friends during that last few miles. Encouragement was coming from every direction.

At one moment, I very clearly saw the correlation between this race and life. I have people who love me everywhere. I have many loved ones who have gone ahead. I could hear my cousin Paul yelling, "Go Amy!" My nephew Kay shouting,"You've got this!" My grandparents cheering, "We know this is hard. You can do it though." We all have cheering sections. Some are right beside us, some aren't. Some have gone ahead and have a much more complete knowledge and understanding. They are there, hands out, shouting encouragement, helping us through those hard things. As we run down that finishing chute, through those gates and across the finish line, they are jumping up and down, tears streaming down their faces, celebrating with us.

Most of all though, the Lord loves us. He loves me. He made me. He cheers for me. I could feel it on Saturday. I know He is there. I know I matter to Him. I know he rejoiced with me when I crossed that finish.