my "no-exercise" induced depression...

I exercised today for the 1st time in 2 weeks. 2 whole weeks. I haven't missed this much running since I started this whole ordeal almost a year and 1/2 ago. I even got semi-deathly ill in May and still only missed 13 days. I was able to do the elliptical machine for an hour. I set the mode to random and the level to anywhere between 5 and 8. There were lots of hills. There was lots of sweat. And I loved it!

On my run with Kami on Wednesday the 6th, I noticed a little hint of pain in my lower back. Tightness really. It hardly bothered me at all. Kami had just mentioned that her back was sore from a workout the night before and I almost wondered if I was having sympathy pains. I wasn't. Anyhow, I finished that 10 miler, no problem. Did another 7 around the track at the Orem Rec. on Thursday, 12 miles Saturday, and another 10 mile hill run with Kami the following Monday. None of the runs really bothered me until that last 10 miler. The others weren't perfect. There was a nagging, but not really pain.

Halfway through our run, when we finally got to the top of all our hills, I told Kami I wanted to stop and stretch for about 60 seconds, then I'd be ready to go again. I stretched. Then it seemed like all my muscles seized up. When we started again, I could hardly go. I was limping. The pain was pretty intense. I finished the run, stretched, then waited for my body to do it's thing.

You see, in the past, when I've suffered some sort of set-back (bursitis, screaming quad muscles, etc.), my body has healed itself. I just knew that would happen this time if I hung in there.

I was in so much pain by the end of that day. Kami had me visit her MIL who is a healer of sorts. She thought I may have slipped a disk, rubbed me out a little, and showed me a technique for getting the disk back in it's place. I really liked her, but she headed out of town just after our visit.

The next day was no better. I decided not to run. My friend made an appointment for me with her chiropractor later that afternoon. You have to understand...I don't do the chiropractor thing. My dad is a physician and they just don't dig chiro's. I'm not really even sure why. I was worried and anxious. He was nice. Had me describe my pain, sit with some heat on my back, then readjusted me. That's my biggest hangup. The adjusting part. The cracking. I can't even handle people cracking their knuckles. Ew. Anyhow, by the next day, there was no change, and I was extremely discouraged.

We headed up to Idaho to visit Dave's parents. I took my running clothes figuring I would heal and do some running up there in preparation for my 22 miler scheduled for Saturday. I didn't run. Not once. In fact, my pain intensified and I limped everywhere. I was hurting so bad.

I made a visit to our brother in law, Dr. Jones, who prescribed a steroid for inflammation. He really thought that was my problem. That evening, after my first dose and 800 mg of ibuprofin, I felt almost as good as new. SUPER hopeful and really happy. It didn't last though. That weekend I limped everywhere. The pain was travelling down my right side and even made my feet tingle at times. Wierd. It hurt crazy bad on our drive home. :(

After that trip, I had my 1st visit with Dr. Brady...another friend's chiropractor. He first thought it was a disk issue, but now having been to him 4 times, he feels it is trouble with my piriformis muscle which is in turn aggravating my sciatic nerve which runs right under it. Each time I go, I get a massage, 5-10 minutes with a heat pad on my back, and bio-puncture. Yup...puncture. In my bum. It doesn't feel really good, but it is supposed to help loosen and calm my muscle.

My muscles also got calmed when I went to Diana Gallop for a 1 hour massage. She is out of town right now, but you better believe I will be waiting on her front porch when she gets back.

Yesterday, Dr. Brady had me run on a treadmill so he could watch my gait. It has all sorts of problems, it turns out. I knew my form wasn't great, but it's hurting me. My right foot turns out, my feet land under my pelvis, rather than under my hips, and I land too far back on my heels. All fixable, which is great news. BUT, not all fixable by my marathon on May 21st. He told me I could run it, possibly, but he doesn't think I should. It would set me back quite a bit.

I tried really hard not to get teary when he told me that. It didn't work. See, I have trained really, really hard for this. I went from wondering if I could finish at all, to thinking I may be able to do it in 3:45. My confidence has grown so much. My endurance has grown. I've gotten faster, stronger. I know that I will be better off sacrificing this one race so that I can run more through the summer. I know that. It still stings though.

I wanted to finish this experience. I am 3/4 of the way through, and I just wanted to finish. I wanted to be able to sit and reflect on May 22nd. To be able to look back on the whole process and be able to decide if marathons are for me. I can't really make that decision now. I know I want to do one still. In a strange way, I feel like I have to. I worry that it will be looming over me though, following me everywhere.

I wish my last long run had been stronger. Kami and I did 20 miles a few weeks ago. We averaged 9 minute miles, which is pretty great considering I have never gone more than 18. The thing is, the run stunk. Kami and I were both tired from mile 6. It was really, really hard to keep going. My ice bath was miserable. I sobbed in the tub. I hurt, and it disappointed me. My legs hurt the whole night. I knew that the next time I did 20 it would be easier. There wasn't a next time though, due to all my pain. Anyhow, that has me wondering if I am a distance kind of girl. I know it's ridiculous, but these are just my thoughts.

I am SO bummed that this has happened and that it's happened NOW. I feel like I have trained well. Like I've trained smart. I've taken rest days when I've felt like I needed them. I'm sad that I won't be running it with Kami. That we won't be able to push eachother to do our absolute best. I DO think I'd still like to go up though. To cheer my face off when she achieves her goal. She will achieve it. I just wish I was going to be doing it with her.

I am so happy that Dr. Brady can help me fix this. That I can be running again really soon. That I have such supportive friends and family. That my body WILL sort out a way to heal itself. Just a minor set-back, right?